- [last lines]
- Margaret Meldrew: Victor! If you're opening up that hatch, he says be careful because they've just put a bag of plaster inside the counter...
- Victor Meldrew: Fine!
- [first lines]
- Margaret Meldrew: [answering phone] Four two nine one.
- Margaret Meldrew: Oh, hello, Jean.
- Margaret Meldrew: No, no, just out the back, putting Victor's spaghetti vongole through the incinerator.
- Margaret Meldrew: No, we've tried putting it in the bin; the dustmen won't touch it. Not after last Monday's episode with the lobster curry. Said it clogged up their crusher for a week. Not the effect it had on me, I can tell you. Oh, it's hideous Jean. Ever since he bought this seafood cookery book, every mealtime has been like a Quatermass Experiment; clams exploding in the microwave, God knows what. Oh, God, no! I've put a stop to it now, don't you worry about that!
- Margaret Meldrew: I've told you I am having no more of it.
- Victor Meldrew: I was just going to do a little bit of poached salmon for lunch. Nothing complicated; nothing that's going to smell.
- Margaret Meldrew: That's what you said about the squid in Stilton sauce, and they had half the road up outside looking for a gas leak,