- Barbara Sharma: What's the difference between a regular fly and a horsefly?
- Ann Elder: [off screen] That's housefly!
- Barbara Sharma: Horsefly.
- Alan Sues: A horsefly has a much bigger zipper.
- The Tasteful Lady: Miss Diller, I frankly do not find your hairdo particularly tasteful.
- Phyllis Diller: Hm... who told you to chew it?
- Dick Martin: Police investigated a bomb scare at New York's Copacabana today and found it. However, Henny Youngman refused to leave the stage.
- Barbara Sharma: I watch your show every week, Mr. Cosby.
- Bing Crosby: Eh, Barbara, you're thinking of Bill Cosby, I'm Bing Crosby.
- Barbara Sharma: Oh. I thought you looked a little pale...
- Bing Crosby: I've had a bad season.
- Frank Farkle: I was speaking of Fifi Farkle, of whom I never speak. Fifi has fouled the Farkle name by Fandangoing and Fifi shall never enter this house again, that's her now.
- Ann Elder: Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick, Dick. You know what? Today's women are so confused, between the miniskirt and the midiskirt and the maxiskirt. How long do you think a woman should wear her skirt?
- Dick Martin: Oh, at least 'till after dinner.
- Ann Elder: [turns to go] Dan?
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