Quotes

MuscleBob BuffPants/Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost

Squidward: [notices a tombstone outside his house as SpongeBob and Patrick attempt to put him to rest] Spongebob, are you trying to put me in the nuthouse?
SpongeBob: Nope, just into this hole.
Squidward: [sighs] SpongeBob, I have a confession to make...
SpongeBob: [as Squidward takes off the towel on his head, he gasps] You're bald?
Squidward: No, I'm not bald! I'm alive!

Squidward: I hunger for nourishment.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Nothing but the freshest, your ghostliness. A grape fresh from the vine, your noncorporealness. A banana peeled to your liking, your inmaterialness.
Patrick: [drops a huge watermelon on Squidward's mouth] One watermelon straight from the manure fields, your spookiness.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Art thou not pleased?
Squidward: Enough! I want something else, something hard to find.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We are here to please you.
Patrick: What do you hunger for, master?
Squidward: Cherry pie.
[Patrick pulls out a cherry pie from his back]
Squidward: Where did you get that?
Patrick: I found it.
Squidward: [throws away pie] Well, go find it again!

[SpongeBob and Patrick have broken Squidward's wax sculpture of himself, and think it's Squidward]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know quite how to say this, but I'm afraid our dear pal Squidward is... is pushing up daisies.
Patrick: Oh, I thought he was dead.

[SpongeBob and Patrick think Squidward is a ghost]
Squidward: Enough! Squidward's ghost is feeling unusually generous today, and has decided to spare ye a horrible fate. Sssss. All you must do is obey my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Does that include...?
Squidward: Quiet! Do as you're told, lest you incur the wrath of Squidward!
Patrick: I think they make a cream for that now.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, Patrick, Hike!
[Patrick blows on some chess pieces, while SpongeBob carries a rock and drops it]
SpongeBob SquarePants: You just lost three points.
[climbs coral tree]
SpongeBob SquarePants: One, two, five.
[blows bubble shaped like a G and a 7]
SpongeBob SquarePants: G-7!
Patrick: G-7? King me! King me!
[runs into coral]
Patrick: I lose!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But it's not Tuesday, Patrick.
Patrick: Tartar sauce!
Squidward: [opens window from house] Hey! What are you invertebrates doing?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: We don't know.

TV Announcer: Hey! Hey you! Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy! Ooh, I'm a little peanut worm! Are you to much of a wimp to workout? Are you a weakling, built like a sponge? Now you too can have muscles, with Anchor Arms! They fit on like a glove. Just add air. How big do you want them? Normal? Veiny? And for the ladies, hairy. I was once a wimp before Anchor Arms. Now I'm a jerk and everybody loves me. So order now, wimp!

SpongeBob SquarePants: I can do this. I've got Anchor Arms! I'm no wimp! I'm a jerk!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [the duo knock over Squidward's wax sculpture of himself] Uh, Patrick I think there's something wrong with Squidward? He looks unconscious!
Patrick: Don't worry I know how to do this
[tries mouth to mouth resuscitation on the sculpture until he turns blue, floats up to the ceiling and lands on the sculpture's head]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Get off him Patrick!
Patrick: What are you worried about?
[the sculpture's flattened head appears to be smiling]
Patrick: he looks better already
SpongeBob SquarePants: [picks up the sculpture] But he still feels cold
Patrick: Well let's go put him in the warm
[places the sculpture in front of the window where the sun is shining]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you think he'll be okay?
Patrick: You know, you worry too much.
[the sculpture begins to melt]
Patrick: The Patrick is here and SpongeBob I know a lot about head injuries, believe...
[starts to drool as SpongeBob snaps his fingers at him to snap him out of it]
Patrick: ... me. Hey, what's that on your shoe?
[Sponge looks down]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know
Patrick: It kind of looks like...
[the sculpture has melted into a puddle with Squidward's face]
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [horrified] Squidward!

[as Squidward floats up to the surface in a bubble]
SpongeBob SquarePants: He's on the other side now.
Patrick: Yeah. He's in a better place.
[Squidward sits in the bubble, surrounded by flocks of seagulls, and moans in distress]

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