- Crow: [as the kid sorts through the papers scattered around his room] Let's see... Boy's Life... Popular Science... Highlights... MY OWN AUTOPSY REPORT?
- [first lines]
- Joel Robinson: Hi, welcome to the Satellite of Love. And on today's show we're going to show you how to keep those holiday goiters to a minimum. The secret: ordinary table salt.
- Crow T. Robot: He's got a tree. He's got a tree. This isn't the Godzilla we know.
- Joel: Hertz, don't it?
- Tom Servo: A tree? That's not like you. Why, Godzilla? Why?
- Tom Servo: [For Goro as he slowly wakes up from being knocked out] Mommy... mommy, no mommy! No! Not the Kabuki mask! No!
- Joel Robinson: [For Goro, after the kid tells him he just found some mysterious powder] Uh that's mine kid, just leave it alone
- [starts making sniffing noises]
- [the final battle between Godzilla and Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon and Gigan is about to take place; the riffers treat it like a tag team wrestling match]
- Tom Servo: So what will Godzilla bring to this fight?
- Joel Robinson: He'll bring the legend that is Godzilla!
- Crow T. Robot: Yep, he's the policeman: I don't always agree with his methods, but I respect him.
- Joel Robinson: [as the final battle between Godzilla and Megalon rages on] This is what it all boils down to, a little game of life that we call "character".
- Crow T. Robot: Yeah, even if Godzilla doesn't win this fight, he's still aces in my book!
- Dr. Forrester: What? What are you saying? That you're the only one to come up with a Halloween costume by using stuff found around the house? I came up with this when you were back in short-pants! Can you guess what I am? Can ya guess? Well, by taking two lengths of ABS drainage tubing, and fastening them to my arms, and keeping my feet together really close, I go as the goalie of a foosball team! Huh! You get it?Frank? Huh?
- TV's Frank: And by wearing this ordinary everyday Fram air-filter, I get to dress up as Lieutenant Commander Geordi LaForge of TV's Star Trek: The Next Generation, starring TV's Levar Burton. Kids, reading opens up a rainbow of enchantment and whimsy and wonder and wisdom and...
- Dr. Forrester: Thank you, Kunta Kinte. Well, your film this week, Joel, burns deep in the fine tradition of "Kramer Vs. Kramer", "Ollie Vs. Norton", "Kasparoff Vs. Karpoff", it's "Megalon Vs. Godzilla".
- TV's Frank: It'll make you laugh, it'll make you cry, and maybe, just maybe, teach you a little something about yourself. And kids, don't forget to read Godzilla Vs. the Velveteen Rabbit.
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