- Daniel Meade: She used to like taking us to clothing museums.
- Alexis Meade: Those were stores, dumbass! She just called them museums to get us out of school.
- Wilhelmina Slater: Come on, girl, I am black, you are Mexican, let's not talk around it like a couple of dull white people!
- Marc St. James: Hey Grub-stank, Grunstank! We need our checks early.
- Amanda Tanen: Yeah, got to buy me a red dress Grub-STANK.
- Henry: It's Grubstick! Grub-stick! Got it? It's one of the oldest and most honored names in Dutch history! Which loosely translates to; he-who- gives-the-fairest-price-for-his-bricks! The name is venerated and I am proud to be a Grub-Stick!
- Amanda Tanen: [Her and Marc walking rapidly away] Did he just get really hot?
- Marc St. James: [Taking his inhaler] Never been more attracted to anyone in my life.
- Marc St. James: I'm not going stag, hag!
- Amanda Tanen: You'll have to buy your own beer, queer!
- Marc St. James: You can't just ditch, bitch!
- Daniel Meade: Betty, wait...
- Betty Suarez: This is what you wanted, isn't it? To humiliate me and make me quit? God forbid you had to work with the ugly girl your dad forced you to hire.
- Daniel Meade: Maybe instead of Christmas we do other winter holidays... Kwanzaa?
- Wilhelmina Slater: Did you just gesture at me when you said Kwanzaa?
- Amanda Tanen: Hey, what's different about you? Did you get your hair cut?
- Betty Suarez: I'm wearing an eye patch.
- Amanda Tanen: You didn't always have that?
- Wilhelmina Slater: I have flower problems, catering problems, and Bradford wants something called a Shania Twain to perform at our reception.
- Amanda Tanen: Can you believe he's asking Betty for dating advice? That's like asking Britney Spears for parenting tips.
- Betty Suarez: There is a swimsuit casting session at 10, I'm assuming you want to go.
- Daniel Meade: Wilhelmina can take that.
- Betty Suarez: What? Daniel, no - you love casting sessions! Hotties! Big boobs!
- Daniel Meade: Please don't ever say "boobs" again.
- Evelyn: Ok, so you see that stripper? She used to a nun, and she's pregnant with the butcher's baby, but she doesn't know that the butcher is her second cousin.
- Wilhelmina Slater: Story as old as time.
- Betty Suarez: There is nobody here who cares about filling the inside, they only care about fixing the outside! You know what, this concealer here, this doesn't change the fact that she doesn't have a house! And this, this eyeliner isn't going to bring back the people you love! These women have lost everything, and there is not enough styling gel in here to change that.
- Wilhelmina Slater: Tyler, this is the third message I've left. Dick Cheney returns my calls after one.
- Justin Suarez: The key to sounding like you have good taste is hating everything. Just call it garish or ghoulish.
- Betty Suarez: [Betty wants to set up Daniel with another celebrity] Somebody like Jennifer Aniston would be amazing.
- Christina McKinney: Betty, fixing up Daniel isn't part of your job description, is it?
- Betty Suarez: I know, I know, I just feel so guilty. What about Tara Reid?
- Christina McKinney: Lovely. Dinner with Tara Reid, breakfast at the free clinic.
- Betty Suarez: Right. Oh, Gisele! I wish I could make that happen, Gisele would make Daniel forget about Sofia.
- Christina McKinney: So do it.
- Betty Suarez: What do you mean, "So do it"? It's Gisele, it's not like we go to the same laundromat.
- Christina McKinney: Don't be such a numpty. You phone her representative and you arrange a dinner date.
- Betty Suarez: Celebrities do that?
- Christina McKinney: Where do you think Tom and Katie hooked up? Church?
- Hilda Suarez: Betty, have you though about exploring other options?
- Betty Suarez: Hilda, I am not going to sell Herbalux.
- Marc St. James: What's wrong, Betty? Now that you're a big fancy editor, you don't even talk to the little people?
- Betty Suarez: Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over your loud shirt.
- Marc St. James: [Marc and Amanda are trying to contact Gene Simmons] Maybe you need to communicate with him in his own language.
- Amanda Tanen: Hebrew?
- Marc St. James: Mandy, you're going to be a reality TV star! It's what every pretty girl with no specific talent dreams of.
- Daniel Meade: I'm this close to splitting a Cobb salad with Sarah Jessica Parker and talking about shoes!
- Marc St. James: In the next few days something big is going to happen at Mode and when it does Wilhelmina is going to be in charge and when she is, these are the people who are staying and these are the people who get the Jimmy Choo.
- Amanda Tanen: What?
- Marc St. James: The boot.
- Amanda Tanen: What?
- Marc St. James: Gone.
- Amanda Tanen: Huh?
- Marc St. James: Later skater.
- Marc St. James: [Marc and Amanda are writing a song for Gene Simmons] If Gene Simmons were here right now, what would you say to him from your heart?
- Amanda Tanen: [Amanda improvises a song] A psychic told me your name, and I was glad / You didn't return my calls and I got sad/ I promise if you meet me, I won't be bad / I just want the chance to call you my father
- Marc St. James: I can only hope that one day I'll have an illegitimate daughter who will sing me a song thats that beautiful.