Max Milner credited as playing...
Razzle
- Vince Neil: All right, stop stalling. Who would you rather fuck: Cyndi Lauper or Boy George?
- Razzle: How about neither?
- Vince Neil: Nah, man. You've gotta pick one, all right. You've got a gun to your head. Fuck one or die. Which one is it gonna be?
- Razzle: No, you know what? I'm having trouble accepting this premise. Under what circumstances would I find myself in such a situation?
- Vince Neil: It's a mystery, you Cockney fuck.
- Razzle: It's a mystery.
- Vince Neil: You know, some random fucker's trapped the three of you in a room, and he's demanding you fuck one of them.
- Razzle: Well, what does this mysterious person benefit from my sexual humiliation?
- Vince Neil: I don't know, man, but you're definitely gonna die if you don't fucking pick.
- [pause]
- Razzle: In that case, I think I'd have to go with the Lauper. At least she's got the proper plumbing. Hey, no, but Georgie Boy, he's probably more experienced in the handling of penis.
- [Vince laughs before he realizes he's gone the opposite lane of the road]
- Vince Neil: What the fuck?
- [Vince's car collides with another car]
- [Vince wakes up after his car collides with another car. Razzle's head is on his lap]
- Vince Neil: Jesus.
- Razzle: Hey. That was a fucking close one, man.
- [Razzle laughs]
- Vince Neil: But... where are we?
- Razzle: It's Christmas.
- [Razzle looks up]
- Razzle: Look at all the lights.
- Vince Neil: What the fuck are you talking about, man?
- [Vince starts seeing red lights flashing outside his car]
- Vince Neil: Oh yeah. Look at the lights, man. What do you want for Christmas, Raz?
- [Vince realizes that Razzle is dead]
- Vince Neil: Wake up, man. Raz, wake up. Hey.
- [a police officer approaches the car]
- Vince Neil: Wake up, man. My buddy fell asleep. Hey! Wake up, man. Oh my God. Help! Razzle! Come on, man. Wake up!
- [Razzle approaches Mötley Crüe's table]
- Razzle: Mötley Crüe! You all all right?
- [pause]
- Razzle: Razzle. Hanoi Rocks.
- Tommy Lee: What's up, man?
- [Tommy shakes Razzle's hand]
- Razzle: We're touring the States for the first time, mate.
- Nikki Sixx: All right. Sit down, join us.
- [Razzle sits beside Vince. He suddenly feels his pants unzip and jumps off the seat]
- Razzle: Fucking hell!
- [Mötley Crüe laughs as a groupie emerges from under the table. She pulls Razzle back to his seat]
- Razzle: I fucking love America!
- [Nikki and Tommy howl in approval]
- Vince Neil: I love this guy, man.
- Tommy Lee: Yeah, boy!