- Michael Westen: [voice-over] My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy. Until...
- voice on phone: [phone rings] We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.
- Michael Westen: Where am I?
- Fiona Glenanne: Miami.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] You do whatever work comes your way. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you. A trigger-happy ex-girlfriend...
- Fiona Glenanne: Shall we shoot them?
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] An old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI...
- Sam Axe: You know spies... bunch of bitchy little girls.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] Family too...
- Sam Axe: [phone rings] Hey, is that your Mom again?
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... if you're desperate.
- Madeline Westen: Someone needs your help, Michael!
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] Bottom line? Until you figure out who burned you... you're not going anywhere.
- Fiona Glenanne: ["Characters Welcome" crossover ad with "White Collar": Fiona takes a gun out of her purse to get her ringing cellphone at a restaurant where she's having lunch with Michael] Ah, damn, I missed it.
- FBI Special Agent Peter Burke: You have a permit for that weapon?
- Fiona Glenanne: [covers the gun with a napkin] What weapon?
- FBI Special Agent Peter Burke: The one right there.
- Michael Westen: That's a napkin.
- FBI Special Agent Peter Burke: I can literally see it.
- Fiona Glenanne: Oh, that's my cellphone.
- FBI Special Agent Peter Burke: Well, then what is that?
- Fiona Glenanne: My other cellphone.
- Michael Westen: She's a big talker.
- Fiona Glenanne: Let's just pretend this never...
- [a grenade rolls out of her purse]
- Fiona Glenanne: ... happened.
- FBI Special Agent Peter Burke: Is that a grenade?
- Fiona Glenanne: What grenade?
- [seasons 6 and 7 opening]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy, until...
- voice on phone: [phone rings] We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.
- Michael Westen: [whistles]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.
- Michael Westen: [groggily] Where am I?
- Fiona Glenanne: Miami.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] You do whatever work comes your way.
- Michael Westen: [snaps fingers, car explodes]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] You rely on anyone who's still talking to you:
- Michael Westen: [laughs]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... a trigger-happy girlfriend...
- Fiona Glenanne: Should we shoot them?
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... and old friend who used to inform on you to the FBI...
- Sam Axe: You know spies: bunch of bitchy little girls.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... family, too...
- Sam Axe: [phone rings] Hey, is that your mom again?
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... if you're desperate...
- Madeline Westen: Someone needs your help, Michael.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... and a down-and-out spy you met along the way.
- Jesse Porter: That's how we do it, people.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] Bottom line: as long as you're burned, you're not going anywhere.
- Michael Westen: [crossover ad introducing "Royal Pains": Michael is narrating a letter he's written Hank Lawson, who's opening a care package Michael sent him] Dear Dr. Hank, I understand you recently lost your job and had to find a new way to earn a living in an unfamiliar setting. I know exactly what that's like, so I've enclosed a few things that might come in handy: sunscreen, sunglasses, and a block of C-4 because you never know when you'll need a stable plastic explosive. Best of luck. Your pal, Michael Westen.
- Divya Katdare: ["Characters Welcome" crossover ad with "Royal Pains": Divya Katdare is diagnosing Sam in a bar] It could be excessive blood loss or hypoglycemia. Are you on a diuretic?
- Sam Axe: No.
- Divya Katdare: Perhaps it's even psychogenic polydipsia.
- Sam Axe: Oh?
- Divya Katdare: Any one of those could be causing your excessive thirst.
- Sam Axe: I see.
- Waiter: [gives Sam a beer bottle] Here you go, sir.
- Sam Axe: Thank you.
- [he takes a drink from it]
- Sam Axe: Hey! What do you know? It's gone! It's like a miracle cure!
- Divya Katdare: Miraculous.
- Sam Axe: Doesn't mean it's stopped. Sammy's very sick.
- Divya Katdare: Is this how you usually pick up women?
- Sam Axe: No, usually I just get 'em drunk. Waiter!
- [season 1 opening except pilot]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] My name is Michael Westen. I used to be a spy, until...
- voice on phone: [phone rings] We got a burn notice on you. You're blacklisted.
- Michael Westen: [whistles]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] When you're burned, you've got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You're stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in.
- Michael Westen: [groggily] Where am I?
- Fiona Glenanne: Miami.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] You do whatever work comes your way. You rely on anyone who's still talking to you:
- Michael Westen: [laughs tightly]
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... a trigger-happy ex-girlfriend...
- Fiona Glenanne: Should we shoot them?
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... an old friend who's informing on you to the FBI...
- Sam Axe: You know spies: bunch of bitchy little girls.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... family, too...
- Sam Axe: [phone rings] Hey, is that your mom again?
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] ... if you're desperate.
- Madeline Westen: Someone needs your help, Michael.
- Michael Westen: [voice-over] Bottom line: until you figure out who burned you, you're not going anywhere.
- Sam Axe: ["Characters Welcome" crossover ad with "Royal Pains": Sam's drinking a mojito when Evan R. Lawson calls him on his cellphone] Evan! How's HankMed?
- Evan R. Lawson: Forget HankMed. One word: "Spyami."
- Sam Axe: "Spyami?"
- Evan R. Lawson: The future #1 spy-for-hire agency in all of South Florida.
- Sam Axe: [incredulous] Uh-huh?
- Evan R. Lawson: Just imagine benches and T-shirts and coffee mugs! We're going to be rich but it's going to be amazing!
- Sam Axe: Oh no, I'm going into a canyon here in Miami.
- [makes garbled noises]
- Evan R. Lawson: I'm going to call you right back. You stay right there. I'm going to call you right back.