- Brüno: [standing naked outside of tent] Donny, let me in your tent. A bear stole all of my clothes... except for these condoms.
- Brüno: Ich was going to become famous by solving a world problem! But which one? Clooney's got Darfur, Sting's got the Amazon, and Bono's got AIDS! Luckily, there was still one shithole left to fix: the Middle Earth.
- Ron Paul: [after Brüno drops his pants] All right, get out of here! This is ended.
- Ron Paul: [later, in the hallway] That guy's queerer than the blazes. He took his clothes off. Let's get goin'. He's queer, he's crazy, he put a hit on me and took his clothes off.
- Brüno: [narrating] I couldn't even schtupp RuPaul.
- Brüno: Can I give you guys a word of advice? Lose the beards, because your King Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard or a homeless Santa.
- Self - Terrorist Group Leader, Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade: What exactly did he just say?
- Translator: He says that your King Osama looks like a dirty wizard... or a homeless Santa Claus.
- Self - Terrorist Group Leader, Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade: [Speaks in Arabic]
- Translator: Get out. Get out now!
- Elton John: [singing] War's just based on hate and fear / Stop fighting, North and South Korea.
- Brüno: [singing] You're both basically Chinese.
- Chris Martin: [singing] He's Brüno, dove of peace.
- Snoop Dogg: [rapping] Hey, yo Brüno, where the bitches at?
- Brüno: We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!
- Self - Talkshow Host: And you chose to dress that baby up in a t-shirt that says what?
- Brüno: Gayby.
- Self - Talkshow Host: That's not the baby's name, is it?
- Brüno: No. I gave him like a traditional African name.
- Self - Talkshow Host: So what's the baby's name?
- Brüno: O.J.
- Brüno: Look me in the eye.
- Angry Swinger: This is a fuckin' swingers' party. OK? If you don't want pussy, if you don't want fuckin'... then quit fuckin' touching me and quit looking at me. I definitely ain't lookin' at you in the eye. OK? I didn't come here for no fuckin' queer shit, OK? I know what you're doin'.
- PR Consultant: Is there something that you, like, that you believe in, like...
- Brüno: Well, I'm really into issues.
- PR Consultant: Yeah. Global warming's only getting worse, so...
- Brüno: Great!
- PR Consultant: That would be, that's something to get involved now, so... we can just help East, uh, Africa in order to help for our future in order for everyone... that's a beneficial thing to be involved with now.
- National Guard Officer: By the way, where's your uniform? Go get your uniform on. Do it!
- Brüno: [Brüno returns with a scarf on]
- National Guard Officer: Oh my god. What's up with the scarf?
- Brüno: That is like... it's my own...
- National Guard Officer: [Interrupts] Let me introduce you to somebody. Captain Miles!
- Captain Miles: [Walks towards Brüno] Candidate, what are you doing? Stand into position of attention, candidate!
- National Guard Officer: Do it!
- Captain Miles: Head and eyes straight forwards, candidate!
- National Guard Officer: Do it!
- Captain Miles: Head and eyes straight forward!
- National Guard Officer: Do it!
- Captain Miles: Stand still, candidate!
- National Guard Officer: Do it!
- Captain Miles: That is not part of the uniform, candidate. You need to take that off.
- Brüno: This outfit is to matchy-matchy as it is. And so I was just trying to break it up with some simple horizontal lines.
- Captain Miles: Do you have an attitude, candidate?
- Brüno: No but, sir...!
- National Guard Officer: I think we do...
- Brüno: Sir, she's got an attitude!
- National Guard Officer: Not sir, officer candidate!
- Captain Miles: What?
- National Guard Officer: Did you just call me a she? Get down!
- Hotel Manager: No. This is not what was supposed to be going on in here.
- Brüno: You're telling me, honey. I should be chained to a 6'4" Norwegian with a PhD in sucking dick.
- Hotel Manager: That's not my concern.
- Brüno: Okay, well, listen, one other thing. Can you switch off the television? Because I made a fart, and I am on the verge of buying Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium.
- Hotel Manager: That's unfortunate.
- Brüno: No, but I refuse to pay for Mr. Magorium's Wunderbar Emporium. I did not press it.
- Hotel Manager: No, I'm afraid we are not gonna be doing that.