The Morgue

Folks, I've got sad news to deliver to you: never before in my whole life have I seen a more terrible movie. It's hard to even pinpoint what exactly is wrong with it because it is just so random and pointless. Let me put it as plainly as possible:

• The acting is awful. Just plain bad. It could be because the script was written so poorly with things like, "We need to leave." "Okay." But wow, it's just uninteresting and so so boring.

• The idea for the plot SEEMS interesting, like they had something going, but then it just leads itself into more "filler scenes", with no point, leaving you wondering "What the heck is going on"

• The movie ties itself together, but the problem is that its randomness leaves you puzzled.

• There is NOTHING scary about this whatsoever. The fact that it is rated 'R' leaves me in total awe. I was waiting for moments in any good horror/thriller, like something that actually makes me scream out loud or something, but the only things that happen are characters getting hit by shovels and whatnot. What gives?

• It claims there is an "astonishing twist" but is hardly original or even creative.

I want my money back, this is absurd. Unfortunately, I had gone to the store to rent this movie, unaware of how bad its rating here is, and how virtually unknown it is. A clue to that could have been that the actors aren't that well-known either.

Bottom line, DO NOT see this movie. It should have never been made. I would never recommend it in a thousand years. I wasted 82 minutes of my life. It's just so poorly written, badly acted, and horribly executed. Make sure the next time you see a movie, check it out and make sure it does well in the ratings, unlike this one.

1 out of 10.

An enjoyable little indie from directors Halder Gomes and Gerson Sanginitto, which visits a rather strange funeral home in the middle of nowhere. "The Morgue" is extremely well shot and visually looks better then most big budget horror crap coming out of Hollywood these days. However, the story starts out strong but slowly becomes quite predictable and eventually fizzles out in a dull fashion. Individual performances shine by most of the underrated cast, and new-comer Lisa Crilley is fun to watch as she fumbles through her odd existence as the janitor of the fore-mentioned title. She certainly breathes life into her anti-hero role, and doesn't rely on star status to do it. The always wonderful Bill Cobbs seems a bit under-used here, but none the less plays his part to great effect and Heather Donahue of "Blair Witch" fame has a fun turn as a doomed bitchy wife. The cinematography looks incredible as we maneuver through a giant maze of a mausoleum, and into the dark crevasses of the morgue itself, but this alone cannot save the story which becomes increasingly mundane and silly. Worth a viewing for sure, and I hope to see more of Lisa Crilley in the future.

I gotta start off by saying, we only paid 1 single American dollar, and I have to admit, I should have tried to haggle them down to letting me just take the movie, bring it home, ritualistically sacrifice a goat and exorcise the stupid out of it. Watching a movie such as this is like watching the death throws of a yak with cerebral palsy. The movie has a random Jedi in it that decides to kill himself rather than try to get anyone to go to the dark side. The other characters are laughably stupid, oblivious to the obviously bad/stereotypical scenario that they are thrust into. The soundtrack sounded as if it was made for a Zombies Ate My Neighbors port for the Gameboy, as all it did was make you want to curl up in a ball and fill your ears with the lard of an adolescent raccoon to attempt to cancel out the sound. The directing and editing were equally bad, making one wonder as to how any sane person can say the movie is finished and ready to be viewed by people other than villagers from Zimbabwe who can't understand that what they are watching on this magical box of light is complete and utter lion crap. I wish now that I could go back in time if not to stop myself from renting it, than to at least stab out my eyes with a soldering iron and remove my eardrums through my anus. God bless you if you made it through this movie without trying to choke yourself to death with the DVD case, I wish I had. Please, for the sake of your children and their children, don't watch this movie. We can't let this make any of it's money back, lest we may unwittingly green light a sequel. I'm serious, don't...

While working in the night shift in an isolated morgue alone with the night watchman George (Bill Cobbs), the janitor Margo (Lisa Crilley) is interrupted by Peter (Chris Devlin), his wife Nan (Heather Donahue) and their young daughter Jill (Taylor Lipman) that has run out of gas on the road. Suddenly the strangers Jacob (Brandon Quinn) and his wounded friend Samim (Sammy Sheik) break into the house asking for a telephone. Margo gives attention to the strangers and they are unexpectedly attacked by the ghost of a former worker that committed suicide. The stranded group fights to survive and Margo discovers the truth about the weird night.

I love horror movies and I had great expectations with "The Morgue". Unfortunately I found a terrible movie with a messy screenplay; a boring story; noisy and annoying soundtrack and edition; and some bad acting. The story is confused, with an awful development and a predictable twist and a great disappointment in the end. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Cadáveres 2" ("Cadavers 2")

For the most part, I enjoyed this film. I liked Margo, the main character. I just didn't like the ending at all.