- Jeff Foxworthy: [about a 1st Grade spelling question] Remember, this is a question answered by 6 year olds; people who eat chocolate covered cereal.
- Jeff Foxworthy: You've been in 8 car accidents that you can *remember!* Who taught you to drive, Paris or Nicole?
- Gene Simmons: My name is Gene Simmons and I'm a rock god, but today I am not smarter than a 5th grader.
- Jeff Foxworthy: How old do you have to be to join the army?
- Gene Simmons: 18.
- Jeff Foxworthy: How old do you have to be to drink?
- Gene Simmons: 56 if you ask my kids.
- Jeff Foxworthy: You do know what a syllable is, Larry?
- Larry the Cable Guy: Of course I do... we used to play with 'em when we were kids.
- Jeff Foxworthy: [to the first graduating class of 5th graders] We're giving each of you a $25,000 savings bond, and don't try to spend it all tonight on candy and video games.
- Jeff Foxworthy: [to contestant] Your knees are shaking.
- [to 5th grader]
- Jeff Foxworthy: Your hands are shaking? You're as bad as me, you're just messing with her!
- Larry the Cable Guy: I know it ain't B, and I know it ain't C, "deltoid" - that's what you take when your breath stinks.
- Jeff Foxworthy: Okay, it's a 50/50 question - what do we know about penguins.
- Larry the Cable Guy: They're delicious!