Quotes

Airborne

Dr. Gregory House: [to a kid] Can you say "Crikey Mate"?
12 year old boy: Crikey Mate.
Dr. Gregory House: Perfect. Now, no matter what I say, you'll agree with me, okay?
12 year old boy: Okay.
Dr. Gregory House: Nicely done.
[to a foreign man]
Dr. Gregory House: You, disagree with everything I say.
Hamid: Sorry, not understand.
Dr. Gregory House: That's close enough.
[to a woman]
Dr. Gregory House: And you - get morally outraged by everything I say.
[House writes the symptoms on a white board]
Sour Faced Woman: That's permanent marker, you know.
Dr. Gregory House: Wow, you guys are good.

Dr. Gregory House: [to a parent about her crying daughter] Give her twenty milligrams of antihistamine. Could save her life 'cause if she doesn't shut up, I'll kill her.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [looking up exasperated] Delivering goodwill to yet another continent.

Keo the Flight Attendant: [a passenger, Pang, looks sick] Sir, are you all right?
Dr. Gregory House: [bluntly] He's drunk.
Dr. Gregory House: [Pang vomits] See?
Keo the Flight Attendant: [asks something from Pang in Hawaiian]
Peng: [mutters something in Korean]
Keo the Flight Attendant: Does anyone speak Korean?
[no one replies]
Keo the Flight Attendant: Is anyone a doctor?
Dr. Gregory House: [sharply] Yes!
[gets up]
Dr. Gregory House: I'll go get her.

Dr. Gregory House: [having checked Cuddy's heartbeat by pressing his ear against her chest] Heart is fine, breasts are firm.

Dr. Gregory House: Nobody speak Korean on this flight?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I assumed you did.
Dr. Gregory House: I know how to ask him if his sister's over eighteen. I just don't think that's gonna help.

Dr. Gregory House: Condoms. He has focal limb paralysis.
12 year old boy: His legs got paralyzed by a condom?
Dr. Gregory House: No, by cocaine. Was inside the condom, is now spreading through his digestive tract.
Sour Faced Woman: [doesn't like the graphic description] Eww.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You think he's a mule.
Dr. Gregory House: I think he's a jackass. We're gonna have to operate.
12 year old boy: [enthused] Cool.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Keo] Tell the captain to drop as low as he can under five thousand feet.
Keo the Flight Attendant: We're at thirty eight thousand. We...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Peng's got the bends.
Dr. Gregory House: Went diving yesterday. Like an idiot, he surfaced too quickly. Like a bigger idiot, he boarded a flight which is pressurized to 8,000 feet above sea level. Low pressure is killing him. Tell the pilot to dive until we can club baby seals out of the window.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Joy] You're pregnant.
Joy the Blonde: I'm what?
Dr. Gregory House: Explains the nausea, abdominal pains, fever. And why you're stuffing your 36Cs into a 34B bra.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy as he examines her] Need to get a better look at your rash.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Use your imagination.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. Shall I go with "Lifeguard Cuddy" or "Mother Superior Cuddy"?

Dr. Gregory House: [to the passengers over the P.A. system on the airplane] Yo! Listen up! Bad news is you have an illness. The good news is, it's not meningitis.
[the passengers sigh in relief]
Dr. Gregory House: It's not fatal. It's just embarrassing. It's conversion disorder. More commonly known as mass hysteria. It happens often in high anxiety situations, especially to women. I know it sounds sexist, but science says you're weak and soft. What can I do?

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] Thank you.
Dr. Gregory House: I saved your life. You owe me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I wasn't sick.
Dr. Gregory House: But you didn't know that. You owe me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I know it now.
Dr. Gregory House: Your mind convinced your body to get a rash, photophobia and vomit. How'd you know it wouldn't have shut down your cold, cold heart next?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [smiles; shakes her head] I don't owe you.
Dr. Gregory House: You're mean.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about the patient, Fran] We should put her back on the Scopolamine patch.
Dr. Eric Foreman: She can't wear motion-sickness patches for the rest of her life.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No, but if it does relieve her symptoms, it'll narrow down our search.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Ugh! Anything else you two guys won't agree on?
Dr. Robert Chase: Have a problem with us agreeing?
Dr. Eric Foreman: No, I have a problem with the other thing you're doing which makes me question your motive for agreeing.

Dr. Gregory House: [as he examines the rash on Peng's leg] Thin leg. It's been in a cast.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: So?
Dr. Gregory House: So it could be radiation poisoning.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: From a broken leg?
Dr. Gregory House: From the X-rays they took of it.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He could break every bone in his body and still not have enough x-rays to cause radiation sickness.
Dr. Gregory House: Unless those X-rays were performed in Wankoff, North Korea by a 3rd-grade dropout with a 50-year-old imager.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Fran] You wanna drill in her brain because of an invisible bleed the CT couldn't see? We should do an LP to confirm the presence of red blood cells.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And her brain herniates and then she dies.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Right. Better to kill her in the OR. Chase, what do you think?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [whispers to Wilson] Here's a cliffhanger.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think it'd help to know what she has before we start digging into her brain.
Dr. James Wilson: Might be better to play it safe to start. Do an LP.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [under his breath] Sex better be damn good.

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