Billy West credited as playing...
Philip J. Fry • Professor Hubert Farnsworth • Dr. Zoidberg • Leo Wong • Desert Muck Leech • Poker Sign-Up Clerk • Leo's Caddy • President Richard Nixon's Head • Miniture Golf Construction Worker • Zapp Brannigan • Antonin Scalia's Head • Madfellow • Striped Biologist Taunter
- Philip J. Fry: Aren't you going to look at your cards?
- Bender: Looking at one's cards is a crutch for players who rely on skill.
- Zapp Brannigan: Bender here's identified the femdido commander as my ex-lover Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at.
- President Richard Nixon: And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons?
- Bender: It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation~ She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet.
- President Richard Nixon: That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it.
- Bender: Gracias.
- President Richard Nixon: The one secret they never suspected was that I really did stage the moon landing... on Venus!
- Dr. Zoidberg: I... I don't quite know how to say this: Fry is dead!
- Philip J. Fry: [the gang starts crying. Fry stirs, alive] Oooow.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Wait. Not dead, the other thing.
- Philip J. Fry: Six, seven, eight; lock the gate. One, two, three; turn the key. Thirty, fifty, ten; my dirty shifty friend?
- Philip J. Fry: Leela's not just a chick, she's the chick I love. But don't tell her I called her a 'chick,' or she'll kill me.