- Anton: Ladies and gentleman, ladies and gentleman... this world, this world that we live in is full of enchantment for those with eyes to see it. Chicken!
- [throws a chicken at the audience]
- Dr. Parnassus: [Absorbed in telling Valentina the story] Your mother and I went away together, grew old, and one day she came to me and told me she was pregnant! Can you believe it, at sixty and pregnant. A miracle.
- Valentina: [Begins to weep] A miracle or a mistake?
- Dr. Parnassus: [sighs, remembering his deal] You were the best mistake I ever made.
- Tony: Do you dream? Or should I say... can you put a price on your dreams? Or... the dreams of the less fortunate in this world
- [pets Percy]
- Dr. Parnassus: There are three cardinal rules, Mr. Nick. One, there is no black magic, only cheap tricks and... I forget the others.
- Dr. Parnassus: [Has just seen the Devil] He's come to collect.
- [after a pause]
- Dr. Parnassus: He's early.
- Imaginarium Tony #3: [Sees the press approaching him and grins gleefully at Valentina] I think this is my dream!
- Dr. Parnassus: [Sees Tony setting up the Imaginarium] What are you doing?
- Tony: Trying to save your daughter's life, sir!
- [first lines]
- Anton: Ladies and Gentlemen, step up. Step up! I am Mercury, the messenger of the Gods, and invite you, invite you, sir, for one night, one night only, here at this venue to enter the mind, the very great mind, huh, of Doctor Parnassus. Dr. Parnassus!
- Female Journalist: Aren't you running the risk to entrench the *need* for charity by increasingly institutionalizing it?
- Dr. Parnassus: What would I do without you?
- Percy: Get a midget.
- Dr. Parnassus: Huh?
- Percy: You know, short fellow, a bit taller than I am, short legs, short foot, big head, runs kind of funny.