Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon: Like Jane Goodall observing the apes, I initially saw their interactions as confusing and unstructured, but patterns emerge, they have their own... language if you will.
- Leonard: Go on.
- Sheldon: Well, it seems that the newcomer approaches the existing group With the greeting: "How wasted am I?" which is met with an approving chorus of: "Dude!"
- Leonard: Then what happens?
- Sheldon: That's as far as I've gotten.
- [first lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: OK, if no-one else will say it, I will. We really suck at paint-ball.
- Howard Wolowitz: That was absolutely humiliating.
- Leonard: Oh, come on, some battles you win, some battles you lose.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes, but you don't have to lose to Kyle Bernstein's Bar-Mitzvah party.
- Leonard: I think we have to acknowledge those were some fairly savage preadolescent Jews.
- Sheldon: No, we were annihilated by our own incompetent and the inability of some people to follow the chain of command.
- Leonard: Sheldon, let it go!
- Sheldon: No, I want to talk about the fact that Wolowitz shot me in the back.
- Howard Wolowitz: I shot you for good reason. You were leading us into disaster.
- Sheldon: I was giving clear, concise orders.
- Leonard: You hid behind a tree yelling: "Get the kid in the yarmulke; get the kid in the yarmulke!"
- Leonard Hofstadter: Of course we're all animals, but some of us have climbed a little higher on the evolutionary tree.
- Sheldon Cooper: If he understands that, you're in trouble.
- Kurt: So, what? I'm unevolved?
- Sheldon Cooper: You're in trouble.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm going to assert my dominance face-to-face.
- Sheldon Cooper: Face-to-face? Are you gonna wait for him to sit down, or are you gonna stand on the coffee table?
- Sheldon Cooper: Maybe she wants to be friends and he wants something more.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Then he and I are on equal ground.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.
- Sheldon Cooper: Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, but I need a wingman.
- Sheldon Cooper: Alright, but if we're going to use flight metaphors, I'm much more suited to being the guy from the FAA analyzing wreckage.
- Leonard: [knock on the door] I'll get it!
- [Leonard, dressed as the Flash, answers the door]
- Howard Wolowitz: PSHYOOO!
- [Howard zooms through the door. He's also the Flash. He and Leonard are shocked]
- Leonard: Oh, no!
- Sheldon: Oh, no!
- [Sheldon approaches. He's also the Flash]
- Raj Koothrappali: Make way for the fastest man alive!
- [Raj comes through the door. He's the Flash as well]
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, no!
- Sheldon: See, this is why I wanted to have a costume meeting.