Kevin James credited as playing...
Paul Blart
- Maya Blart: [reading a dating website] Okay, next question. "Tell me about yourself."
- Paul Blart: Let's see. I know a lot about sharks.
- Mom: Let me stop you right there.
- Paul Blart: [after showing a Loch Ness Monster tattoo on his lower back that he got while drunk] Yeah... I don't drink.
- [Last Line]
- Paul Blart: Thank you sir, but I think I'm going to stick with what I do best. That's protecting the people of the West Orange Pavilion Mall.
- Veck Sims: When are you gonna give up, Blart?
- Paul Blart: How about now? I'll meet you on the corner of "NE" and "VER"!
- Paul Blart: If you remember one thing from today, it's this: the mind is the only weapon that doesn't need a holster.