- Smashley Simpson, Bloody Holly, Maggie Mayhem, Rosa Sparks, Bliss Cavendar: We're number two! We're number two!
- Razor: You guys came in second out of two teams.
- Smashley Simpson, Bloody Holly, Maggie Mayhem, Rosa Sparks, Bliss Cavendar: Whoo!
- Razor: Yeah, let's celebrate mediocrity! That's fantastic.
- Pash: [On going to Austin, TX alone] But you don't have the balls.
- Bliss Cavendar: I can grow the balls...
- Bliss Cavendar: [helping Pash to the toilet] Come on, let's get this out.
- Pash: [belches low] It's cool. I swallowed it.
- Bliss Cavendar: Come on, just stick your fingers down your throat. You'll feel better.
- Pash: No! You stick your fingers down YOUR throat.
- Bliss Cavendar: ...Pash... you ever thought... about your parents making love... your dad's naked body...
- Pash: ...WHAT?
- Bliss Cavendar: His balls jiggling... sweaty?
- Pash: nnoo!
- [throws up, heaving]
- Pash: [whimpers] That's not fair!
- Iron Maven: Nice jump, Evel Knievel.
- Bliss Cavendar: Thanks. Maybe I'll teach it to you some time.
- Iron Maven: [a little surprised] Really?
- Bliss Cavendar: Yeah.
- Iron Maven: [smiles] Okay.
- 'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket: Hey. Black Widows, my spidey senses are tingling. About to make a sequel in my pants
- Eva Destruction: Yeah? Spider-Man 3 1/2?
- 'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket: Yeah, it is 3 1/2 inches. Wide.
- [trombone noises]
- 'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket: Air trombone, yeah.
- Oliver: Wow, from here it kinda looks like you're wearing a stryper t-shirt.
- Bliss Cavendar: stryper? Yeah, 80's christian heavy metal. I mean in the name of jesus we rock.
- [Bliss is waiting on a table occupied by Corbi, Colby and their friends]
- Colby: What's the name of that thing that if I eat it real fast, it's free?
- Bliss Cavendar: That's the Squealer. You have to eat it in three minutes or less.
- Colby: [ponders briefly] Yeah. You bring me a Squealer. And I don't mean Corbi.
- [Colby laughs and grabs Corbi in a groping hug, and Corbi mock-squeals loudly]
- Earl Cavender: I can take losing the money. I cannot take losing the chance for our kid to be happy.
- [Bliss finds Iron Maven waiting for her at the Warehouse]
- Iron Maven: Ruthless, Ruthless, Ruthless.
- Bliss Cavendar: [hesitatingly] Maven, Maven, Maven?
- Iron Maven: Hey, guess how old I am.
- Bliss Cavendar: [guessing] 27?
- Iron Maven: [not at all touched] Oh, that's sweet. I'm 36. Guess when I started skating. I was 31. 'Cause it took me that long to find one thing that I was really good at.
- [Iron Maven stands, staring intently at Bliss]
- Iron Maven: And you know what? I worked my ass off to get it.
- Bliss Cavendar: [nervously] Yeah, me too.
- Iron Maven: [smirks briefly] It's too bad you're only 17.
- [Bliss stares in shock]
- Iron Maven: What do you think the league is gonna say when they find that out? Or your teammates, when they find out you've been lying? That's gonna be rough.
- Bliss Cavendar: [pleading desperately] Maven, please, look...
- Iron Maven: [cutting her off] No, you look. One day it will be your time, Ruthless, but it's not your time now. And if I was you, I wouldn't even bother lacing up those skates.
- [Iron Maven walks away, and Bliss hangs her head and cries]
- Bliss Cavendar: Fuck.
- Bliss Cavendar: Is this what you do with all the girls? Take them here to show off your skills?
- Oliver: Yeah, and it usually works too.
- Bliss Cavendar: Oh yeah? Maybe we should do something different.
- Maggie Mayhem: I'm Maggie, Maggie Mayhem.
- Bliss Cavendar: I'm Bliss, but I can change that.
- Maggie Mayhem: Yeah, you'll have to change that.
- Bliss Cavendar: His name's Oliver. It's a great name.
- Pash: Yeah, if you like wayfaring Dickensian orphans.
- Brooke Cavendar: I know that you're just too bohemian to care, but she has to cheer tonight.
- Bliss Cavendar: And she's gonna go through with it? What an athlete.
- Brooke Cavendar: What do you think, that the world thinks of those girls with all their tattoos? Do you think they have an easy time finding a job? Or getting a loan application? Or going to a decent college?
- Bliss Cavendar: I think it depends on the girl.
- Brooke Cavendar: Or finding a husband? No, you just limit your choices.
- Bliss Cavendar: Seriously, you need to stop. You really need to stop shoving your psychotic idea of '50s womanhood down my throat. And pageants? I mean, what have they ever done for you?
- Brooke Cavendar: That's my point, Bliss! I didn't have a mother.. to navigate all my opportunities.
- Bliss Cavendar: Jesus Christ. I am in love with this. I mean, don't you get it?
- Brooke Cavendar: It won't last. In two or three years, it'll be over. This is a moment.
- Bliss Cavendar: Well, how great is that?
- Brooke Cavendar: You don't understand. You will when you have to support yourself.
- Bliss Cavendar: I do support myself.
- Brooke Cavendar: No, you don't. You buy shoes.
- Bliss Cavendar: You're full of shit. You know what, actually...
- Earl Cavender: Hey. Hey, you calm down, little lady.
- Bliss Cavendar: Why don't you go back to your turtle shell so you don't have to freaking confront anything?
- Brooke Cavendar: I'm supposed to buy you shoes from a... a head shop? Does that really strike you as responsible parenting?
- Bliss Cavendar: Fine, the shoes are a gateway drug.
- Bliss Cavendar: I gave him everything.
- Brooke Cavendar: No, don't say that.
- Bliss Cavendar: No, it's true.
- [Brooke tilts her head a little to the right looking for confirmation]
- Bliss Cavendar: I did.
- Brooke Cavendar: [Looks away. Gets up, goes to the kitchen and lights up a cigarette] That's a lot to process.
- Brooke Cavendar: So enlighten me. What was that little stunt all about? Are you trying to sabotage your chances? Or was it just your biological urge to make your mother look like a jackass?
- Brooke Cavendar: I'm sorry that these pageants don't live up to your high moral standards, Bliss, but there's a lot you can learn from them, no matter what you go on to be in life. You think you're being judged up there on that stage, but no one's asking you to be Miss America.
- Bliss Cavendar: Seriously, out of all the places to go to in the world, who would come to Bodeen?
- Pash: Them. I mean, they're smart, at least they just pass through.
- Birdman: Go ahead and mock it. But without the Blue Bonnet factory, this town wouldn't exist.
- Pash: You know what, Birdman, I think I preferred you before you got promoted. You know, now you're all corporate.
- Bliss Cavendar: I know. I miss the old Birdman.
- Pash: Yeah.
- Birdman: Ladies, don't let the tie fool you. I'm still one of us. But y'all are gonna have to start calling me Dwayne now. It's more dignified.
- Pash: No. Birdman is the only thing you have going for you.
- Birdman: That's what you think.
- Pash: I can't believe you used to share a bed with her.
- Bliss Cavendar: You make it sound very dirty. It was just sleepovers.
- Bliss Cavendar: You hate them.
- Brooke Cavendar: Well, they don't have duct tape on them. That's an improvement.
- Earl Cavender: Yeah, it's Earl.
- Brooke Cavendar: Hello, Earl. Can you please explain to your daughter why it's inappropriate to buy shoes in a head shop?
- Bliss Cavendar: Dad, it's not like that.
- Earl Cavender: You took your mother to a head shop? Are you off your nut?
- Bliss Cavendar: You know, if she wasn't here and I used my own money, it wouldn't make a difference.
- Brooke Cavendar: That's not the point.
- Earl Cavender: Look, I am in the middle of a deal here, okay? So whatever you all work out is fine with me.
- Brooke Cavendar: Give me that.
- Earl Cavender: Okay?
- Brooke Cavendar: Earl, do you know how hard I have worked to raise these girls in a drug-free environment?
- Earl Cavender: Yes, I do.
- Brooke Cavendar: Exactly.
- Pash: What is this? Roller derby? This is... This is tomorrow. This is in Austin.
- Bliss Cavendar: Yeah, I know.
- Pash: Will there be cute boys there?
- Bliss Cavendar: I kind of feel bad lying to them.
- Pash: I don't. I give my parents straight A's, I get freedom.
- Bliss Cavendar: I just wanna tell you all that you're my new heroes.
- Maggie Mayhem: It's your first time here?
- Bliss Cavendar: Yeah.
- Maggie Mayhem: Well, put some skates on, be your own hero.
- Bliss Cavendar: The last time I wore skates, they had Barbies on them.
- Maggie Mayhem: Hey, you know, none of us knew our ass from an elbow pad when we started.
- Pash: I didn't have a Barbie-roller-skating phase. Okay? I had a fat-kid-sits-inside- and-reads-a-book phase.
- Maggie Mayhem: Looks like you've got some competition.
- Iron Maven: Yeah, yeah, wake me when she learns how to throw a hit. Or take one.
- Bliss Cavendar: Hey, you're Iron Maven.
- Iron Maven: That's right, kiss-ass. Why don't you suck up a little harder? There's still part of your face that doesn't have doodie on it.
- Rosa Sparks: All that "We're Number 1" corporate crap doesn't apply. Our bad attitude's an asset here.
- Birdman: I mean, did anybody bother to think, "Hey, Birdman might appreciate hot girls in fishnets and roller skates beating the crap out of each other"? No, they did not.
- 'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket: This is a rough contact sport. These girls are lean, mean skating machines. And they gotta go fast if they wanna get past the blockers who are trying to knock them down. And by "knock them down," I mean "beat them to a pulp."
- 'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket: They say the Scouts have the most loyal fans, and being the worst team in the league, Lord knows they need them.
- Brooke Cavendar: You think you have all the time in the world, but there's not many girls who are both smart and pretty like you. And I hate to admit it, but the pretty part doesn't last forever. You got to make the most of what you have while you can. Nobody tells you that.
- Iron Maven: What's up, Hurl Scouts? That was so good out there. It was really cute to see y'all trying so hard.
- 'Hot Tub' Johnny Rocket: Did Razor just coach the other team or did my peyote just kick in? I don't even know what's coming on 'cause I don't know what's coming around the corner.