Dracula's Guest

Dracula wants to breed with Bram Stoker's girlfriend and Bram himself attempts to rescue her.

The other reviewers have trashed this movie and they're right - it's that bad. The great costumes and high production values fool you for a minute into thinking this is going to be good, but the awful acting and terrible screenplay tell the real story.

Dracula is a fat dude who looks like he spends all his time in his mother's basement, eating pizza and playing video games. The female lead is like your sexually repressed sister-in-law, only less interesting. When the two of them get together for a breeding session it's about as erotic as a visit to the dentist.

There's a serious lack of naked women in this movie, usually a staple of low budget horror, and something that could have made it worth watching. Sadly, it's an attempt by bad actors to do something serious, with predictably bad results.

As for horror, the only horrible thing about this film is that it was made. I've seen scarier things in a K-Mart on Christmas Eve.

It's not even so bad that you can have a good time making fun of it. Instead you'll be embarrassed for the actors and actresses; imagine your friends and family seeing you in this movie. There's the real horror.