Ouija Hosts

OUIJA HOSTS is an absolute trainwreck of a film where nothing exciting, shocking, nor suspenseful happens as director/co-writer/co-star/co-producer Steven M. Smith (DEAD AGAIN, SCARE ATTRACTION, THE HOWLING) fails upon installing anything to stir up the viewers' interest, unless they yearn to see actors and actresses standing around in corners of the living room for 90 minutes without any type--Any Type--of action happening in sight as it only makes OUIJA HOSTS an easily disposable film that is clearly worth skipping. Fake ass hosts of a fake ass British TV show stay in a fake ass haunted mansion. End result = Narrated weak fake ass shot-on-a-phone piss-poor dirge. Go see GHOSTWATCH (1992) instead.

Sure, I had never heard about this 2021 horror movie titled "Ouija Hosts". But I still opted to sit down and watch it, since it was a horror movie that I hadn't already seen. And yeah, the movies with the word 'Ouija' in its title are usually shoddy movies hardly worth the time of day, yet I still opted to give director Steven M. Smith's 2021 movie the benefit of the doubt.

However, writers Tom Jolliffe and Steven M. Smith put together a script and storyline that was dull, boring and mundane. The movie was essentially just a bunch of people sitting around a laughably hipster Ouija board, asking questions while strange bumps sounded in the vicinity around them. Yeah, you're not in for anything grand, should you opt to sit down and watch "Ouija Hosts".

Needles to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list here. Well, aside from Louisa Warren, as I have seen more than my fair share of low budget questionable horror movies.

Visually then you're not in for anything at all here, unless you consider hand-held, wobbly camera work as being interesting. And the movie doesn't have a speck of special effects in it either to spruce it up.

If you are a horror fan, do yourself a favor and skip on director Steven M. Smith's "Ouija Hosts", because it just simply isn't worth the time, money or effort, take it from someone who suffered through the ordeal, so you don't have to.

My rating of "Ouija Hosts" lands on a two out of ten stars.

If you like the Paranormal Activity movies, you will probably enjoy this. Personally, I think they're a snooze-fest. Boring, with a capital BORE.

The movie follows a group of paranormal "investigators" looking for ghosts in an abandoned mansion in England. It's about as boring as you would expect that activity to be. And... just like the "Paranormal Activity" movies, the only "interesting" bits - if you can call anything about this movie "interesting" - happens in the last five to ten minutes. I swear, the director / writer must have seen "Paranormal Activity" and said.. "oh, yeah? Here.. hold my beer."

The actors where.. meh. Jenny is the only one who I think could MAYBE make it as an actress, but Sara... Good Lord, that woman's voice is annoying!

So I've watched an awful lot of the recent glut of cheap British horror movies. They range from fun and relatively entertaining (Think the Asylum but with English accents) to dire in every way. Unfortunately Ouija Hosts is very much into the dire category.

The set up of ghost hunters in a haunted house for a TV show has been done to death but this was bad even for that sub genre.

The location is totally not scary and the use of light, direction and script are terrible.

A lot of it feels unscripted and as if the actors are making up their lines as they go along.

The narrator is annoying and detracts from any distant hope of atmosphere.

I noticed one reviewer picked Chelsea Greenwood out for specific criticism which I thought was a bit unfair as the other actors were way worse. I thought she looked invested in the character unlike the others who seem to be messing about and as far as her delivery her facial expressions and mannerisms were good and possibly her delivery seemed delayed because of her Yorkshire accent.

But in all honesty I couldn't recommend this movie to anyone for any reason (Sorry Chelsea) you'd do better watching a chair or shutting your head repeatedly in a door.

• 1 star for making this film in the first place

+ 1 star because I love Chelsea Greenwood's accent.

Preparing for a new episode, a group of paranormal explorers decide to tackle a supposedly haunted estate in the countryside rumored to be the home to a series of ghosts from its history as a children's hospital, and the longer they stay there they come to believe the stories are true.

This was a decent enough and likable genre effort. While it tackles a rather familiar storyline involving the shooting of a paranormal investigation reality show featuring a look into a supposedly haunted location that turns out to be genuine, this one at least offers a slightly different take on the setup involving how it approaches the starting sequence. Here, this opts for some behind-the-scenes footage of the hosts looking over the information for the upcoming sequence, messing up their lines requiring retakes, and getting on-set instructions from the crew which adds a different touch than expected. Adding narration with some solid quips, jokes, and other interactions that help to add a more spontaneous feel to everything, the overall implication taken from the setup is that it's a lot more of a genuine take on the subject matter than seeing the recovered footage of an investigation that starts fine before slowly going awry. That makes the scenes involving the group undergoing the different supernatural or unnatural interactions around the facility that occur throughout here somewhat chilling. The initial implication here is the usual assortment of scenes involving the group arriving at the location thinking it's just another run-of-the-mill shoot with the team going through the haunted background of the place, the various encounters throughout the years that help build it more, and then exploring the various rooms using their equipment or other means to contact the ghosts living there. This is all worthwhile enough that it helps to bring about a decent enough atmosphere with the ouija-board scenes to help enhance the situation so that the finale is a bit more action-packed involving some unexpected appearances of the ghosts, a possession by one of the crewmembers that are somewhat unexpected, and a generally lively presence that gives everything a bit more to like than expected. There are some issues here that bring this one down. Among its biggest issues is that, while there's a lot to like with the atmosphere, in terms of on-screen action this is decidedly sluggish to the point of barely offering much excitement. Far too much of the running time is the hosts sitting around talking about the shoot, sniping at each other for how they got their respective positions in the show, or doing the same thing that most reality-show-shoot genre efforts involve where they spend tons of time doting over their equipment trying to contact the ghosts. Being found-footage, there's nothing much going on here unless it's captured on camera so this one acts as such a glacially-paced feature that it takes far too much time to get going that the goodwill established by the setup or atmosphere is almost gone due to the lack of action and overall familiarity with the material. As well as the odd narrator's sense of humor clashing with the seriousness of the shoot, these are what brings this down overall.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language and Violence.