- Katlyn Chase: Look, everyone's first time sucks. That's why, the next party I go to, I'm finding the hottest, drunkest guy I can and just gettin' it over with.
- Brad 'Skeets' Skeetowski: Gentlemen, we have earned a right of passage. The BUCCANEER BANG BOOK. Between these covers lay our virgins, and we know what to do with them, yes?
- Trish Van Doren: Guess what?
- Katlyn Chase: You stuck M&M's up your nose and now you need help getting them out?
- Stanford Prescott: [about talking to girls] W-w-what're we supposed to say, though?
- Handsome Pete: Sensitive crap. Stuff from the heart.
- Helen McNicol: You know, if it weren't for you two, I would have had sex by now and Stan and I would be happy, but no.
- Katlyn Chase: Stop blaming us, okay? If you really wanted to have sex that bad, you would've. It's not dependent on what we say. It's your choice.
- Katlyn Chase: You never quit, do you?
- Brad 'Skeets' Skeetowski: Well, my creative juices are always flowing, Chase.