Quantum Apocalypse

Scyfy originals are never going to meet critical acclaim but often they hold a certain charm about them that makes them watchable in that dumb viewing type of way.

Sadly Quantum Apocalypse doesn't have that charm and is one of their many many many many meteor apocalypse films and when you've seen one you've officially seen them all.

Containing that common scyfy original side plot about a step parent and resentful step child I do question why we see this so often.

Credit however where credit is due, many of the cast are quite competent including the highly underused Gigi "Farscape" Edgley and Rhett Giles who puts in a career best performance as an autistic.

Make no mistake they don't make up for this embarrassing clichéd mess but they do bring levity to what could have been one of the scyfy channels worst if they weren't present.

The Good: Gigi Edgley Usual Scyfy pseudo science

The Bad: Usual Scyfy pseudo science

Soundtrack

Offensively recycled and unoriginal

Dumb ending

Things I learnt from this movie:

Gigi Edgley needs to pick her roles better

My wife and I are Science fiction devotees and thus took a chance on this film when offered as a World Premiere by Comcast On Demand (should have realized it would be dreadful since the charge was only $3.99, much lower than most of its new fare). We managed to sit through all of it, mouths agape at the temerity of anyone actually making this load of rubbish. Difficult to put into words just how awful this film is, much worst than a middle school production - lame plot, dreadful dialogue, astonishingly unappealing cast, holes in the script, continuity problems, laughable acting, bad sound quality, absolutely nothing to recommend it. When Comcast offers a world premiere, duck! This film makes the usual fare on the Saturday Afternoon Science Fiction Channel look like Citizen Kane.

In the city of Parish, the Major Ben Marshall lives with his autistic brother Terry, his son Leo, his daughter Samantha and his second wife Lynne. When a comet changes its route and collides on Earth, the scientists discover that an anomaly is the cause and they bring two geniuses to join their team in the research. They find that the anomaly is a gravitational vacuum indeed and mankind is doomed to annihilation. But Terry convinces his brother Ben to drive him to Houston to save the planet.

"Quantum Apocalypse" is an unbelievably absurd and lame film. It is amazing how awful it is: story, screenplay, director, cast, special effects, characters, nothing works in this terrible movie. I found strange that three users "loved" this crap and I found the typical of fake reviews since the three users have only one review in IMDb. Unfortunately I am not able to go back to the past like in the story and in the end I lost 94 minutes of my life watching this dreadful film. My vote is one.

Title (Brazil): "O Apocalipse" ("The Apocalypse")

I am the type of guy, who can watch Commando with Arnie and enjoy it, as well as watch An Andalusian Dog by Luis Bunuel and enjoy it too. I like great movies but time to time I enjoy bad ones, even the movies that are UBER-BAD, in "so bad that it's good" sense.

This one is not the case. You will actually feel the physical pain while trying to watch this thing.

Why didn't I turn off the screen after halfway through? Well, to be honest, I just HAD to know how far the idiocy can go.

Now about flaws...

1. When you have budget of 2,5 lemons, just DON'T, don't try to make another 2012 movie. (2012 was bad enough even with it's big bag budget). Effects were not only horrible in technical way, but most of them were making no sense whatsoever.

2. It's not necessary to find a star for your movie. There are lots of talented people who can act and are not stars. In fact, I like bad acting, cause It makes me laugh. But in this film, you will not see even that. Except some of the actors who OVERACT terribly, you can't find ANY acting at all.

3. Scientific background of the story: OK... how many times do I have to use the word nonsense? In fact, transsexual giraffe, trying to take over the world with the help of green cockroaches, sounds more believable than the bubble that characters use here to justify the existence of this rubbish.

4. Characters. Well, you just CAN'T swallow it. In fact I think that's where the genius of the director of this movie is hidden. It is really, really hard to create characters, more unbelievable than the ones in this movie. Movie makers just set the milestone in that direction I think.

5. Plot. Well, at least I can't say that there were many plot holes. Because, to have a plot-hole, first of all you need to have a plot. Does this film have one? NO!

Overall! Terrible, unwatchable movie!

There is really no other way for me to express what this movie is than this: A disaster movie where the only real disaster is the movie itself.

When reading the other reviews of this movie I thought to myself "Well, when a movie is bad enough I can usually laugh at it for being so bad and have a good enough time watching it anyway" and so I decided to see this with my own eyes. I implore you, dear reader, NOT to repeat my mistake! There is not enough alcohol, nitrous gas or low standards on the surface of the entire planet for anyone to find any enjoyable aspect in this movie at all.

Alphabetical order of flawed elements. Just because I want everyone to understand how bad this is.

Actors - The best ones are simply bad, the rest are horrible. Some of them at least make a bit of an effort.

Cameras and angles - Static shooting almost all the way, but it's actually not that bad compared to when the cameras move. In one scene where a character is driving, you'd think they bolted a $50 VHS camera to the hood and had him actually drive around with that.

Computer effects - You can easily spot them, if the graphic Ultra Low quality doesn't tip you off, the absence of the laws of physics will. Many movies from the 90's had Better computer generated effects. Even some of the Bad movies.

Other effects - I could not find a single one that was just slightly low-budget or just had a mild flaw. Every last one was flat out bad.

Script - Someone should be unemployed by now...

The rest - You probably already get the picture.

Summary: Gather your neighbors and have the most stupid one write the script, the most incompetent one manage effects, the ones with the worst poker faces be the actors and finally let someone with impaired motor skills handle the camera and you will make a masterpiece compared to this. Unfortunately I'm not joking.