Quotes

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

Kumar: [Upon being asked to go to a Christmas Eve party] No can do man. I have to stay here and smoke this weed, otherwise I won't get high.

Harold: You still haven't explained the gay thing.
Kumar: You're not gay, motherfucker!
Harold: At all.
Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah that's something us magicians like to call misdirection. Just a little something I picked up from my man, Clay Aiken.
Kumar: What? Clay Aiken's not gay?
Neil Patrick Harris: Are you kidding me? Clay's the biggest coos hound I know. That guy gets mad gash.

[Kumar butts to the front of the line and is now on Santa's lap]
Mother in Santa line-up: HEY! Back of the line, Tech Support!
Kumar: Take it easy, Reba. Your little boy can rub his ass on Santa's cock in a minute!

Kumar: You have a good job, you make good money, and you don't beat your wife. What more could a Latino father-in-law ask for?

Mr. Perez: The tree is a cancer, Harold. We have to get rid of it before it kills Christmas.

Kenneth Park: This is a Sharp 52" Aquos Quattron TV with state-of-the-art 3D technology that makes Avatar look Avatar-ded.
Harold: I don't know. Hasn't the whole 3D thing jumped shark by now?
Kenneth Park: Mr. Lee, you don't understand. This is the best 3D you've ever seen. It's gonna be amazing!
[Kenneth gives two thumbs up to the audience]
Harold: Who are you looking at?

Todd: Oh, great. Now we're getting tinkled on.
Harold: It's just urine. It'll wash out.
Todd: Oh, Harry. Tinkled on the windshield. That is officially the grossest thing that has ever happened to me.

Kumar: I haven't shaved since you left. Pretty romantic, right? Like Ryan Gosling in "The Notebook."

Kumar: Uh, miss, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to let you rape my friend on Christmas Eve.

Neil Patrick Harris: Look, don't be alarmed... but I'm gonna squirt some lotion on your back in about... 35 seconds.

Harold: [after Mr Perez furiously yells at Harold for ruining Christmas, and Harold finally snaps] I runined your... You ruined my Christmas man. You know what happened to me tonight? Uh, I inadvertly introduced a baby to cocaine, I was almost burned alive by Ukrainian gangsters, I was drugged by asshole teenagers, and I danced on stage in a Christmas extravaganza and I'm a terrible dancer, I almost had my dick ripped off. And then I shot Santa Claus in the fucking face. He's real, and I shot him in the face. Why? Because I wanted you to have a perfect fucking Christmas. And, here's a news flash. This is my house, Maria is my wife, and if you want to be in our family, you best show me some fucking respect. Was that too much?

Harold: [after Mr Perez enrages at Harold for ruining Christmas] I runined your... You ruined my Christmas man. You know what I've been through tonight? Uh, I inadvertly introduced a baby to cocaine, I was almost burned alive by Ukrainian gangsters, I was drugged by asshole teenagers, then I danced on stage in a Christmas extravaganza and I'm a terrible dancer, I almost had my dick ripped off, and then I shot Santa Claus in the fucking face. He's real and I shot him in the face. Why? Because I wanted you to have a perfect fucking Christmas. And here's a news flash. This is my house, Maria is my wife, and if you wanna be in our family, you best show me some respect. Was that too much?

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