Project Legion

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that is so bad, it literally is painful to watch. Project Legion is THAT kind of movie.

I actually forced myself to get through this pile of garbage (albeit in two separate sittings) just so I can see how bad it could get. And it spiraled downward into toilet level movie making. Project Legion is beyond terrible in every way imaginable. The acting is horrible. The editing is even worse. The story line makes absolutely no sense.

Honestly, this movie deserves ZERO stars. But since that's not an option, I begrudgingly gave it one. Anyone associated with this movie needs to have their head examined. Maybe I should too since I sat through the whole thing.

I have to admit, I didn't watch this. I gave it the old college try, but after 15 min, depression set in, followed by regret, then the strong desire to drink coupled with thoughts of suicide.

That's how bad this movie was. I've seen movies with smaller budgets do better. Believe me, money wasn't the issue. You need a decent lead actor (box unchecked), A story that makes some sort of sense (box unchecked), a real producer, you know, one of them fancy college people (box unchecked), and maybe a plan. (box also unchecked) This movie didn't appear to have any of those. So many scenes in such a short period of time didn't make sense, it almost felt purposefully done. A weird disjointed "sex" scene. Crazy Bollywood ghost lady in the hallway, stereotypical black spec ops dude talking about getting laid as soon as he gets home. Whew, it got tiring real fast to the point where I simply had to turn it off. It seems Hollywood is churning out so much this garbage, I'm almost ready to do an Elvis Presley and put a bullet in the TV and take up knitting or quilt making.

This is one of those afterparty 2 AM "hey, let's all get high and make a movie" ideas. Normally everyone sobers up the next day and the idea is forgotten. Not this lot.

First they wrote the script:

An apartment. A guy is inside. The door is closed. Guy yells at door. The end.

Then they held a casting call:

"I put the people with talent in room A and everyone who couldn't act in room B." "Uh oh, I just sent everyone in room A home." "That leaves us with someone named Cowboy, a former Playboy Playmate with more miles on her than Greyhound, and a woman best filmed in a really dark hallway." "Good enough."

Then they chose a director:

"You do it!" "No, you do it!" "Fine, I'll do it. What's a director do anyway?"

Then they chose a location:

"I know an abandoned mental institution with a giant exhaust fan at the end of the hall." "Perfect!" "Really?"

Then they started filming:

"We only have the camera for one day. Everyone try to arrive by 9 AM." "And... cut! Good job everyone. Let's grab an early lunch."

Into the editing room:

"Uh oh, the video software license expired." "We only had just enough film anyway."

And release:

"How much do we have left over from the $1000 we raised?"

Unwatchable. Three stars.

A hardened soldier wakes up to some catastrophe. As someone bangs on his door he acts more like a confused yuppy who figures hollering through the door will scare the door knocker away. Many errors in the movie make this a bonafide garbage fire. Lights flickering on and off yet TV stays on. Laptop shows white noise as a tv would. Plays a multiple voicemails on his phone. While listening to them he literally screams into the phone HELLO multiple times. The director needs to rethink his career choices if this is the garbage he is going to put out. The only thing scary about this movie is I wasted time watching it.

Non-actor Don Cerrone tries so hard to fill the shoes of the main character, you may actually find yourself rooting for him to pull it off - just to suspend the misery. Most of the film features Cerrone stomping around an apartment unit and mumbling to himself during a demonic invasion. He breaks some furniture, fights a couple of people in demon suits and hides in a trash bin. When you think this can't get any more absurd, he dons a sombrero and starts pasting duct tape across his window for protection, while threadbare sets waver and wobble. There's also a painfully mawkish love scene and a "surprise" ending. It's strangely watchable if you're in the right mood - half asleep perhaps - and can get into the groove, which is why I give this ***.