- Cass Daley: It's the wardrobe department! I wanted to look like Marilyn Monroe. Just look!
- [plops a wig on her head]
- Cass Daley: I look like President Monroe!
- Hubbell: [about Alan Young's NBC overalls] First they send us their old comedians, now their old uniforms.
- Himself - Governor of Caliifornia: Mrs. George Burns! I've heard her husband sing and I'm not gonna pardon him.
- Alfred: Ode to Television City by Alfred E. Prinzmetal. Hail to thee, child of CBS in Hollywood and New York. Tonight you were born weighing two million tons. Gee, what a strain on the store. I thrill to you massive structure, over many an acre you spread. I love every rock in your garden, but I hope there's no rocks in your head. So all hail thee, mighty newborn child, whose body can never be bent, because your spine is made of steel and your bottom is stuck in cement.