Sand Serpents

Sand Serpents. No one died in this Syfy Original Movie until the 6 minute mark. Impressive.

A small combat unit overseas that ends up dealing with giant underground worms or snakes.

You're probably thinking what I'm thinking. Dune meets Tremors. Sure, because it's basically just that.

The difference is that the writing is much better than the usual Saturday Night Original fare on Syfy and if you have nothing better to do, it passed the time rather well.

There are some obvious holes in the skit as they skipped some scenes where special effects could have been used, but we know what happened. Who really needs to see a giant snake blow up anyway? My guess, they were saving money.

When the worms feed on Taliban, they kind of reminded me of giant Slinky's with teeth.

Overall, 1-10, I'd say a 5, maybe a 6 if you were drinking.

The writing was better than most of their Saturday Night Original movies, the effects weren't bad but there were holes in some of the cinematography. Who ever edited the final product may have been the one that created some of the disjointed scenes.

The ending for me got lame as I feel there was a much smarter resolution at hand aside from the one that took place. Then again, if he was stupid enough to have taken his course of action aside, then I guess this scene, that was reminiscent of Reign Of Fire, is fine.

You'll know what I mean when / if you see it.

Sand Serpents (2009)

** (out of 4)

American soldiers are making their way through the Afghanistan desert when they come under fire by the Taliban. The soldiers are eventually captured, tied up and about to be executed when they hear a loud noise and before they know it all the Taliban are dead. It turns out that an earlier explosion had awaken several large worms that are underground and can respond by the noises made on land. This "Creature Feature" advertises giant worms but what we're pretty much got is a rip-off a TREMORS and the weird thing is that the horror elements are actually the least interesting thing. It's uncommon for my girlfriend to watch movies with me and especially films like this but half way through she turned to me and said this wouldn't be too bad if those worms would quit coming up. In many ways she was true because the worms just look too silly and they actually had zero to the film. If someone wants to watch giant worms then TREMORS is masterpiece of horror, monster, comedy and just all around good fun. This film here can't come close no matter how hard the filmmakers try and it's amazing that Universal didn't go after this picture due to the familiar monsters. The stuff with the soldiers dealing with being away from their families and the way they maneuver through their operators were actually the most entertaining thing in the film. I thought there was some nice suspense early in the film when they're walking through the desert just waiting for their targets to come up. One of the soldiers is having a breakdown from not seeing his family and another is hiding some deep secrets. This drama works a lot better than the horror elements and that's weird to say because in most of these monster movies it's the boring melodrama that kills things. The performances aren't too bad with Jason Gedrick leading the way. The special effects are extremely cheap and really don't add anything. I think fans of the genre will probably want to check it out if they must see everything out there but others should just rent TREMORS.

Contains some very general spoilers.

When watching news reports about todays combat troops on the front lines, two of the things that come to mind are how shockingly young all of the soldiers are, and how shockingly short all of their haircuts are. In SAND SERPENTS, the cast looks like it was plucked from a Green Day mosh pit. These actors are about as solder-like as my left foot, and my left foot is not all that military. The actors are too old and they don't look or act like elite special forces military.

Here is the 3% fun in SAND SERPENTS... it is kind of fun debating with fellow viewers whether the sand worms in SAND SERPENTS are copied from the sand worms in TREMORS or are instead copied from the sand worms in DUNE. The rest of the movie experience is bad in a dull sort of way.

SAND SERPENTS has pretty good pacing, but other than that it is difficult to find good things to say. There are better monster movies out there where the cast dies one person at a time. And there are much better sand worm movies out there, so please watch one of those.

Another SyFy ditty, with suspiciously familiar creatures and plot lines. This one looks like a hybrid mix of Tremors and an assortment of "Marines fight monsters" movies like Aliens.

Giant slinkies with vacuum sweeper tendencies look for quick meals in the Afghan desert. While this week's squad of Marine victims fight with Taliban insurgents, the faceless maws of the Sand Serpents sneak up on both. As per usual, characters are knocked off one-by-one, first with the nameless ones with no lines, then eliminating those with a few lines, finally getting to the top-billing folks.

It would be easy to dismiss this one, but it actually does have its moments. The characters that survive more then the first 20 minutes or so are actually developed somewhat, and the acting isn't bad at all. There's a child in the cast who does especially well. The special effects appear cheap in places, as if done on a home PC. However, since the premise is so bizarre, the hokey effects fit in a weird way. One character who never shuts up has the exact fate you hope for and know is coming sooner or later (and that finally shuts him up, permanently lol).

This one's just for laughs, like the old MST3K flicks.

Now that Iraq has simmered down, the war news such as it is concerns Afghanistan. Something the government is keeping from the American public are those giant worms that are doing more damage to the Allies, the Taliban, and anything else they take a mind to eat. And as big as they are they've got some huge appetites.

Jason Gedrick and a small group of Marines are stranded out in the remote Afghan desert. But it ain't the Taliban that's worrying them, it's these giant refugees from Tremors. In fact the big worms prove to be an ally of sorts by doing better against the Taliban than these clearly outclassed troops are. No reflection to the Marine Corps, but battling these enemies is something not covered in their training.

It all gets downright silly at times. But if these things are out there I suggest we let them breed and chow down on the Jihadists. Otherwise I'd pass Sand Serpents right on by.