Quotes

Meat Wave

Brent Leroy: [on the phone] A week? We can't wait a week to get this fixed, my buddy's got a pound cake baking in his long-johns!
[pauses]
Brent Leroy: Whattya mean, what does that mean? Pound cake, baking, long-johns, what part don't you...? Hello?

Wanda Dollard: [about the virtual pet she's revived] He's still Darren, he's just a new Darren. Like on Bewitched.

Lacey Burrows: [about the virtual pet she has found] Oh, it's barking. Why is it barking?
Davis Quinton: It probably wants you to get me my coffee.

Davis Quinton: [sitting in the police car, looking through Oscar and Emma's window with a pair of binoculars to make sure they're not eating his and Karen's meat] I can't tell.
Karen Pelly: Ah, here, let me see!
[takes the binoculars]
Karen Pelly: Whoa, she is hairy!
Davis Quinton: Wrong house. That's Mertyl.
[he moves the binoculars, Karen sees Emma standing at the window with her own pair of binoculars]
Karen Pelly: I think they're on to us!
[they both throw their seats back so they can't be seen]

Pet Man: We were here this morning, and we think we left a little virtual pet toy here. Have you seen it?
Lacey Burrows: Um, no.
[laughs nervously]
Lacey Burrows: No. Wanda? Have you seen a virtual, um, er... what do you call it?
Pet Man: Pet.
Wanda Dollard: Oh, is it kinda like a blue key-chain thing?
Pet Man: Yes.
Wanda Dollard: Haven't seen it.
Josh the Cook: [coming out of the kitchen] Here it is.
Lacey Burrows: Thanks, Josh.
Wanda Dollard: Yeah, thanks, Josh.

[first lines]
Hank Yarbo: [Hank enters cold gas station from hot outside] Jeez Brent, it's like the hottest day on record out there and in here you got it colder than a witch's mitt!
Brent Leroy: That's not how that... never mind. It's not that cold - I just like it brisk and refreshing. Wanda doesn't mind, right?
Wanda Dollard: [dressed in gloves, scarf, hooded parka and hat] No, I'm good.
Hank Yarbo: Where's the thermometer? It's gotta be minus 5 in here - minus 10 with the wind chill if the fan was on.
Brent Leroy: It's not below zero.
Hank Yarbo: Oh really? Then why's this juice box frozen solid?
[Smashes juice box on counter, liquid sprays out]
Brent Leroy: The only thing below zero is your IQ. Wanda, you want to get a mop and clean this up?
Wanda Dollard: No, I'm good.

Lacey Burrows: [about Darren the virtual pet] No, he doesn't have to go to the bathroom. Darren, what do you need?
[behind her, Josh dings the bell]
Lacey Burrows: Now he's dinging. What does that mean?

[Hank returning the snowsuit to Fitzy]
Hank Yarbo: Thanks for lending me the suit, Fitzy.
Fitzy: No problem. How'd the joke turn out?
Hank Yarbo: Huh? Yeah, hilarious. Big, big laughs. You might want to get that cleaned, by the... by the way.
Fitzy: Why are there dumplings in here?

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