Squeaky Clean Mysteries: Hazardous Duty

Watched Jan 19, 2024

Beautifulkiller's review published on Letterboxd: This Squeaky Clean mystery is based on a series of very popular books. Those who have read them have no idea how this thing got on the air.

I haven't read them, but I don't know how it got on the air either.

Gabby (Jessica Blackmore) is a crime scene cleaner hired to clean a politician's house after his wife is murdered. Her partner leaves and then a tremendous fire breaks out.

The alleged murderer is in prison, and her partner is jailed for setting the fire.

There are so many inaccuracies, they take you right out of the movie. It's learned Gabby's partner has an old felony conviction. It doesn't matter how old it is, he cannot become a crime scene cleaner. Also, why does a cleaner have her hair down? So it can get into the blood?

Then there's the fire box with a key in it - a gun inside, missed by the cops!

The character of Gabby is boring and annoying. She interferes with police work like crazy, practically acting like one of the force. And she doesn't give her info to the cops right away.

The man who moves down the hall from Gabby becomes a sort of love interest but also is supposed to be a suspicious character. He looked too much like Donny Osmond for me to take seriously.

By the way, this is a Christian mystery. It doesn't come off as Christian; it comes off as bad Hallmark. Hallmark mysteries are aimed at a conservative population; some of them have likable characters, cozy atmospheres, and an actual mystery.

This was a mystery, all right, but of a different kind.

I typically consider imdb ratings before watching a film. This one was waaaay offfff.

No way this could be better than 4 unless the reviews are stacked.

Smaller budget films can be alright, but this is not one of those. The idea was good but the execution unbearable due to: Intolerable acting Stiff scripts Inexperienced extras Forced chemistry Awkward kissing Predictable plot Stupid ending I actually hoped the main heroine character would get killed and the murderer would get away, just because it was so bad.

At one point I was dubbing Mystery Science style to make this piece of crud somewhat entertaining.

The only plus is the actual storyline was decent.

I don't know about the book series because I have not read any of them. But from what I observed watching this TV movie, I found the characters extremely cheesy and mostly stupid.

The detective was totally clueless, and miraculously an ordinary crime scene cleaner happened to be an excellent amateur sleuth, and her neighbor/romantic interest happened to be a lawyer who suddenly became her Batman's Robin.

Oh yes before I forget, the neighbor/romantic interest Mr. Riley Icringe crringe) was absolutely annoying. I don't know if it is his natural personality in real life also, but I have seen in another TV Lifetime Movie where he plays a fireman who also in that movie creeps into the protagonist's life.

Anyway this was one of the worst if not the worst whodunnit TV movies I have ever seen!

The reviewers who are wedded to the books must not realize that movies change details, some DRASTICALLY, all the time. (I can just hear them if any of them had actually read the original Perry Mason books before they watched the Perry Mason TV series--they'd be in an uproar even worse than they were here.) Just because they finally found a movie that apparently insulted their unique pet book series is no cause for besmirching a movie that was entertaining on its own merits. Was it a great film? No, but it was good. Jessica Blackmore was quite entertaining in my book, and I'd jump on the chance to see her in another one of these stories. Folks, if you are a movie watcher who just might not be a reader of the books this film was apparently based on--I never read them and don't plan to--but would like to watch a cute mystery/romance, then watching this one will NOT be a waste of your time, despite what the book purists are crying about.

Let's see...a supposed semi-brilliant female lead with amazing sleuthing skills, a weenie and mostly unlikable male lead who just happens to be an attorney, an air-headed and screechy sidekick, a grumpy lead police investigator, a loveable father figure etc etc. Same tired recipe, just a different cake. I had hopes in the very early going something good might come of all this, but no such luck. Absolutely horrid acting by cast of totally forgettable actors. I also must agree with the earlier reviewer about so many simple and unnecessary mistakes. For one, in addition to the poor cleaning techniques already listed...an unsecured security room...gimme a break. I'm giving it a 3 star rating, but only because I also like the setting.