The Loch Ness Horror

I don't think I can stress enough how bad this film is, the acting is bad, the script is bad, the direction is bad, the sets are bad, the effects are bad, the plot is bad. So much of this film just doesn't make sense.

I watched this on Prime video, the picture showed 4 star reviews from a site called 'Creature Feature', not only can I not find this online the quote suggests "Shades of THE MEG, ALIEN and GODZILLA"... WHERE???

The Meg because it's set at sea, maybe, alien because after the monster spits something on one of the characters some kind of bug explodes from his chest and Godzilla because, why not.

At one point one of the actors tries to act with just his facial expressions, he does not succeed. I couldn't work out if he was confused, befuddled, contemplative or just trying to hold in a massive fart.

DO. NOT. WATCH.

The movie doesn't take place in or around Loch Ness. It takes place in the North Atlantic somewhere. There is a distinct lack of terror or anything at all happening for much of the movie. The monster shows up now and then to eat someone. The acting is really quite bad even for a low budget horror movie. Almost the entire movie takes place on what I think is a cargo ship of some sort. It looks like a very old ship that was turned into a museum. They make sure you never see the side of the ship so it's probably at dock somewhere. There's also a very cheap submarine set. Asylum-grade monster movies love a cheap submarine set. I guess the CGI for the monster isn't terrible for the little screen time it gets. The movie also come with a small side of Alien for some reason.

This is just not very good. I have seen worse but this is just very mediocre and kind of boring for most of it.

Bad mix of Loch Ness monster and Alien movie! The "story" involves a rescue team attempting to locate a missing submarine in the Atlantic Ocean, only to discover the Loch Ness monster is responsible for the disappearance. Part of the crew are thugs who take the others hostage, however, an alien-like creature mysteriously emerges from one of the thugs, and results in the hostages running around the sub trying to survive. One of the female characters says it best when she askes,"What is the point of all this?" In the end, this was just another low budget, beyond ridiculous monster movie with no redeeming qualities. At least the 1982 version had a cheesy, "so bad, it's good" kind of charm, however, this was just so bad it's unwatchable. Don't waste your time!!!!!!! As a result of utter embarrassment, I don't believe any of the actors were ever heard from again.......

I had the misfortune of accidentally finding this when searching for "The Loch Ness Horror" directed in 1982 by the late Larry Buchanan. I gave the 2023 film a watch for free on YouTube videos, and discovered it was no better. In fact, somehow, it was worse.

The story revolves around a rescue team being sent by a British company to locate a missing submarine in the Atlantic Ocean as opposed to Loch Ness itself, only to discover the Loch Ness monster is responsible and part of the crew is made up of thugs who take the others hostage in a soupy sub-plot.

Everything in this movie is bad. The story is sloppy and boring with a few rip-offs thrown in for good measure, like the underwater cage scene from "Jaws" and a chesbursting creature from "Alien". It might have been a little better without the hostage situation sub-plot and just focusing on the monster.

All of the characters are boring, unsympathetic, or just inept at their jobs. Most of them serve as little more than dinner for Nessie. One woman spent half her screen-time freaking out and hyperventilating. Another one tried to use paper towels to treat a man burnt by Nessies acidic saliva. And there was an annoying ship alarm blaring through half the movie! Dear God, I heard it in my sleep after watching this.

The Loch Ness monster hardly even appears onscreen. And even when it does, it's size inexplicably changes between shots and the CGI effects for it as a crummy and low-quality as you'd expect from any budget monster movie. The little skin parasites were just as poorly designed and animated.

The sets were an inconsistent mess of multiple ship interiors that obviously don't match up, including museum ships any tourist would recognize. It would have worked better to take a smaller boat out onto the actual Loch Ness, or at least a stand-in lake.

In the end, this was just another lame, God-awful budget monster movie with no redeeming qualities at all. At least the 1982 movie had a cheesy, "so bad, it's good" kind of charm to it, this was just so bad, it's boring and nigh-unwatchable. So don't waste your time on this trash.

Absolute tripe, complete rubbish. One of the worst films I've ever had the displeasure of watching. I hated the plot, the acting, the characters, the special effects, the poorly lit environments and sets and absolutely dreadful cinematography.

The bulk of the film, basically nothing happens. When the Loch Ness Monster does appear it is poorly designed and basically just shakes the ship/submarine with minimal horror or fun action, I can't stress enough how awful this film is and should never have ever been made.

1/10: Cheesy, uninteresting, silly, cheap and an insult to quality low budget filmmakers everywhere.