You Hurt My Feelings

Write about what you know. That's the advice Beth (Julie Louis-Dreyfuss) dispenses to her writing students. It's also pretty much the path Writer-Director Nicole Holofcener has followed in her six feature films. Her stories center on urban upper middle class professionals.

Beth is an author who's latest novel hasn't sold yet and it's causing her some stress. Her husband, Don (Tobias Menzies), is a therapist who is also having some career doubts. They have a son (Owen Teague) who wants to be a playwright. Beth's sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), is an interior decorator who is becoming disenchanted with her work. Her husband Mark (Arian Moayed) is struggling actor. Plenty of first world angst to go around.

Holofcener and her cast are good enough to overcome some of the familiar tropes here and the theme of how to tread the line between honesty and (hurting one's) feelings is decently explored. David Cross and Amber Tamblyn as a passive aggressive couple in Don's care are terrific scene stealers. What's missing here is true bite. There's never a sense of either urgency or sharp insights. One never feels that any of the interlocking relationships are truly in peril. A hug, a kiss, or a hit of edible marijuana and all will be fine.

YOU HURT MY FEELINGS is a pleasant enough little movie, but, it's the epitome of a 'dramedy'- it falls just short of either of it's components.

The issue of how we, if not lie, fib to our loved ones in order to either spare their feelings or be supportive. And the consequences of that well-intentioned lack of honesty are thoughtfully dramatized, as are the family dynamics between spouses, parents and children, and siblings. But even at a short (by today's standards) 90 minutes, the movie feels overlong, and while there is an occasional laugh, the entertainment quotient is disappointingly low given the talents of the parties involved. Bottom line: a worthwhile watch if one's expectations are very measured. And much more of a family drama than a comedy.

You Hurt my Feelings tells the story of a long-standing couple that risks breaking up when Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) a struggling novelist, finds out that her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) never actually liked her new unpublished novel but always told her otherwise.

The film is at its best when it captures the intimacy of a middle-aged couple, and a form of unwavering love that, albeit a bit dispassionate, is evidently honed through many years of life together and complicity. The best scene is probably at the center of the film that shows the two characters confessing their white lies (such as never liking each other's presents) to each other on their couch, in a light tone.

Ultimately, the film is about how white lies are the oil that enable relationships -and indeed society- to work. Whether it's an opinion on a book you didn't like, a statement on how your partner looks after surgery or the hiding of a sweater at a goodwill event so it will not be taken, white lies make society livable and give people zones of personal freedom that make life more gentle. In contrast, the character of Beth's mom, who role models a life of unfiltered honesty, shows how unbearable, antisocial and dysfunctional that behavior can be.

Unfortunately, the film also spends a bit too much time depicting how much New Yorkers love themselves. Where they shop, where they have lunch, their bookstores, their expensive furniture stores. All of the staples of the stereotypical New York neighborhood are checked like so many boxes. As is the constant flow of words from the New Yorkers themselves, mixing erudition with profanity in a very "big apple" way. However hard it may be for New Yorkers to hear, most of us really don't care that much about their lifestyle.

Overall, however, the film is original, memorable and well acted, and it states a point of view about society and humanity that is both different and intriguing.

Sometimes it is good to go out on a date, and watch a movie that will not change the course of the night. It is neither hilarious or boring, just an interesting story that can happen to all of us, when we try to please our partner.

The cast is good, Julia Louis-Dreyfus can be funny without forcing it, so the movie flows well. The movie is flat, but not in a bad way, it is a good entertainment and goes fast, but you probably won't cry or burst out laughing. It is just a good movie, where you probably arrive and leave in a same state of mind, in peace.

There are some clever jokes, and some reflection about our own behavior, but nothing too deep.

Enjoy, without big expectations, just a good entertainment.

It was hard to figure out what exactly the takeaways were from this casually paced 2023 comedy, but director/screenwriter Nicole Holofcener appears to prefer it that way because she has a uniquely ramshackle way of depicting the messiness of life through her comically flawed characters. The meandering plot focuses on a tightly knit group of upscale Manhattan narcissists basking in a culture of positivity only to fall apart when each is confronted with honesty. That's what happened to the central couple when Beth, a marginally successful novelist, finds out her failing therapist husband Don hates her latest book draft but doesn't have the temerity to tell her. Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in Holofcener's superior "Enough Said" and plays the novelist here with her trademark wit intact. The rest of the expert cast perform in a typical Woody Allen-like deadpan manner including Jeannie Berlin as Beth's irascible mother and Michaela Watkins (she reminds me of Kathryn Hahn) as Beth's acerbically evasive decorator sister.