You Hurt My Feelings

You seem to so often see in reviews a statement along the lines of "don't believe the low scores" when there is a generalised trashing of a film. You watch the film based on the fairly sane sounding good reviews and find indeed it wasn't really bad at all.

Everyone's taste is their own and I wouldn't want to watch films like this everyday but it's a delightful, slow-paced, droll, witty and warm delight.

There's no killer plot but it's not saccharin either. The characters are warm and quirky, the humour wry and knowing. People had fun, me included, no-one was hurt.

Really good effort, like a good evening with friends.

Recommended.

It was hard to figure out what exactly the takeaways were from this casually paced 2023 comedy, but director/screenwriter Nicole Holofcener appears to prefer it that way because she has a uniquely ramshackle way of depicting the messiness of life through her comically flawed characters. The meandering plot focuses on a tightly knit group of upscale Manhattan narcissists basking in a culture of positivity only to fall apart when each is confronted with honesty. That's what happened to the central couple when Beth, a marginally successful novelist, finds out her failing therapist husband Don hates her latest book draft but doesn't have the temerity to tell her. Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in Holofcener's superior "Enough Said" and plays the novelist here with her trademark wit intact. The rest of the expert cast perform in a typical Woody Allen-like deadpan manner including Jeannie Berlin as Beth's irascible mother and Michaela Watkins (she reminds me of Kathryn Hahn) as Beth's acerbically evasive decorator sister.

This is indeed a movie about feelings - the small stuff that feels huge, the little insecurities that loom large, the daily omissions that's pile up into dishonesty. And the thing is: every moment feels real enough to be recognizable and hilarious (and uncomfortable) all at once. And that's not just because I'm a middle aged guy who wants to be a writer and is scared to death his story/stories suck. This film felt relatable less because the circumstances mirrored my own and more because I'm a self conscious human. And my guess is we all are. This may not be a laugh at loud comedy, but it is about as relatable add it gets.

The issue of how we, if not lie, fib to our loved ones in order to either spare their feelings or be supportive. And the consequences of that well-intentioned lack of honesty are thoughtfully dramatized, as are the family dynamics between spouses, parents and children, and siblings. But even at a short (by today's standards) 90 minutes, the movie feels overlong, and while there is an occasional laugh, the entertainment quotient is disappointingly low given the talents of the parties involved. Bottom line: a worthwhile watch if one's expectations are very measured. And much more of a family drama than a comedy.

If you like Julia Louis-Dreyfus or Tobias Menzies, you may find this enjoyable to watch, as both do a fine job with their roles. Otherwise, this will seem like a slow way to spend a couple hours. The plot wanders around searching for a dramatic climax or a storyline that leads somewhere. However, it doesn't get anywhere in particular. It's much like a comedy routine that just wanders from one story to another. Not too surprising, as Julia Louis-Dreyfus helped make "Seinfeld" the somewhat chaotic program it was. Funny, often, but as a movie, it leaves me wanting a more structured story.

A better title would have helped too. Something more like, "How we offend people when trying to be supportive" would have been illustrative, albeit not as pithy. The one theme that did seem to be reinforced was scenery of New York, especially as experienced by privileged people. That was interesting for about 30 minutes, but then the movie needed to deliver more message, if it had hopes of being satisfying. I rate it a 5 for the fine acting of the leading characters, but no higher for lacking a better script and story development. The result looked like it needed refining to clearly communicate a message.