Ed Harris credited as playing...
Mr. Simon
- Mr. Simon: I find your writing... fascinating. You're a keen observer with a colorful perspective. In fact, underneath the poor grammar and the atrocious spelling, I believe there lies the heart and soul of a great writer.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: It has often been said that children are cruel. So goes the tale of Big G.
- Mr. Simon: [reading to the class from Joan of Arc] Joan looked at the generals and said, my business is not with you. You have not craved the counsel of war. Then she turned toward the kings Privy Counsel and continued. No, it is with you, a counsel of war. It is amazing. Counsels of war have no value, but to decided between two or several doubtful courses. But a counsel of war when there is only one course?
- Narrator: Big G had head of flaming red... no, make that orange, hair. The G stood for Ginger, and derogatory term for red heads. Big G was easily a foot taller than anyone else in the school. Even so, his head was still too big for his body, and his ears too big for his head. One might think in order to compensate, Big G might have been blessed with a handsome face. After all, Clark Gable had big ears, Lucile Ball had orange hair, and yet for them there was compensation. Not so for Big G. Did I say children were cruel? Apparently even God has His moments.
- Principal Kelner: Please Steven, just deny it, for the children's sake. I don't care if it's true or not. Please just deny it.
- Mr. Simon: It's for the sake of the children that I won't deny it, true or not.
- Andy Nichol: You try and throw that tomato, Ricky... I'm gonna stop you.
- Ricky Brown: You don't have the balls, Nichol.
- Andy Nichol: [kicks him] Now you don't have the balls.
- [Ricky begins whaling like a baby]
- Mr. Simon: [walks over] Ricky, have you had a bowel movement today? Obviously you're suffering from gas pains. Tomatoes will do that to you, you know. Boys, would you help my friend Ricky here out of the gym. He's not feeling well. You know, the show must go on.
- Andy Nichol: What are you going to do now, Mr. Simon?
- Mr. Simon: Well, I'll find some place to teach, of course. I'm a teacher. That's what I am.