- Nostalgia Critic: Well, it's after Christmas again and once again I can't help but feel the post-Christmas blues. I mean, all this time waiting for Santa to bring me something wonderful and fantastic and really great gifts. Instead, what does he bring me? A Play Station 3 Entertainment System, a brand new controller, a controller for the Blu-Ray player, Soul Caliber 4... and no Batman: Arkham Asylum. What have I done, Santa? What have I done to deserve such torture? Instead, what did I get instead of Batman: Arkham Asylum? Ernest Saves Christmas.
- Nostalgia Critic: [notices oddly-placed bumper sticker in Ernest's glove compartment that says "Keep Christ in Christmas"] So Ernest wants to keep the "Christ" in Christmas, even though he's in a movie with Santa Claus. Yeah, hold on a second.
- [dials phone number]
- Movie: This is the movie.
- Nostalgia Critic: [screams] HELLO!
- Harmony Star: I'm 22.
- Santa Claus: My mistake.
- Nostalgia Critic: [imitating Santa] So I can tap that then.
- Joe Carruthers: How'd you find my house?
- Santa Claus: It comes with the job. What did you do to yourself?
- Nostalgia Critic: No, no, that's not the question. The question is, how'd you find my house?
- Nostalgia Critic: So that was Ernest Saves Christmas. It's stupid, it's cheesy, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense... and I watch it every year.
- Nostalgia Critic: So here's my question to all these movies where they try to prove Santa doesn't exist. If Santa doesn't exist in these worlds, how do they explain the presents just magically appearing under the tree if the parents don't get them?
- [cut to a shot of Ernest mugging]
- Nostalgia Critic: That's what I thought.
- Santa Claus: Joe, you are going to be the new...
- Nostalgia Critic: Adolf Hit...
- Marty Brock: [interrupting] This is it, Joey. The hand of fate is reaching out to you.
- Nostalgia Critic: Ernest, played by the late Jim Varney, is one of those movie characters that somehow I overlooked, and granted, he's not a terrible character. Well... not that terrible. He's mostly just irritatingly annoying, but still, after a whopping 13 movies spread out between theatrical, TV and VHS releases, it's pretty hard not to look at them. For those who don't know, Ernest got his start as a commercial spokesperson. For what, you may ask? Well, everything.
- Nostalgia Critic: But, actually, the movie has another thing going for it: it has probably one of the best Santa Clauses of all time. He's played by Douglas Seale, who you may remember as the Sultan from 'Aladdin'. And I swear, you've never heard a kinder puppy dog of a human being in your life.
- End Title: KnowWhutIMean?
- [Cut to the Monty Python "Wink Wink Nudge Nudge" sketch]
- Norman Nudge: Know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge.
- Nostalgia Critic: So he walks in while Joe is shooting a Christmas movie.
- [the Creature from the Black Lagoon bursts onto the set]
- Nostalgia Critic: For the Sci-Fi Channel.
- Nostalgia Critic: So Ernest P. Worrell drives Santa Claus around in a cab.
- [pause]
- Nostalgia Critic: Boy, that's something I didn't think I'd say today.