Gary Schwartz credited as playing...
The Heavy
- The Heavy: When I was boy, I was at camp, being trained in many ways of combat.
- Max: Assassination camp for kids. Oh, this is gonna be good!
- The Heavy: There was sparrow, sitting on fence. Snow falls quietly around me. Without notice, another boy jumps from behind tree, and kills sparrow with throwing knife. The boy runs away.
- Max: And then?
- The Heavy: I pick up sparrow and hear his last breath before digging him tiny grave.
- Tycho Brahe: [sobs]
- Strong Bad: That's not even a little bit funny, man
- The Heavy: No. It's not.
- Strong Bad: Hey, Heavyman, do you think you could take care of the King of Town for me?
- The Heavy: I can assassinate King. Yes. Is expensive though.
- Strong Bad: Whoa, whoa, whoa! By "take care of", I meant maybe you and I could sneak into his room and shave off half his mustache.
- The Heavy: I am not best at sneaking.
- The Heavy: [he and Strong Bad continue their discussion about dealing with the King of Town] I am not best at sneaking.
- Strong Bad: Maybe we could confront him in a dark alley then?
- The Heavy: This is better. That way blood wash away in rain.
- Strong Bad: Oh man, you're going to totally murder the King of Town, aren't you? Oh well!
- The Heavy: I am reminded of time engineer kill my entire team.
- Tycho Brahe: Damn heavy, that's... heavy. I'm sorry to hear that.
- The Heavy: I search entire base for him. He tries to kill me with turret and mini-turret, but I crush his toys like they are made of paper.
- Strong Bad: Sound like some crappy toys, if you ask me.
- The Heavy: Then I find him, hiding by teleporter. I take his gun away from him. He tries to hit me with wrench
- [laughs]
- The Heavy: . So I take wrench away from him. I take his wrench and shove it down his throat, all the way down to the handle.
- Tycho Brahe: Christ!
- The Heavy: Then I rip off all his fingers, one by one! Let's see you build toys NOW!
- [laughs]
- The Heavy: There is blood everywhere! And he is crying!
- [laughter]
- The Heavy: I think he cries out for mother, but...
- [laughter]
- The Heavy: the wrench is stuck in his throat! And it sounds like
- [imitates a choking noise]
- The Heavy: !
- [laughs]
- The Heavy: Is this not the funniest thing?
- Strong Bad: [Stunned silence] That is some f***ed up s***, man!