- Alton: You calling me a racist?
- Johnson: Well, you don't like black Santa Claus. And last week, you told me you don't like black porno.
- Alton: Now hang on a damn minute. Now that's got nothing to do with racism. I like black chicks in porno movies. I just don't like 'em with the black guys in them, that's all.
- Johnson: Why come? They make you feel inadequate?
- Alton: No. Because their dicks are so dark. They get to fucking, their dicks get wet, they get glisteny and shit, and it's hard for my eyes to unfocus off it. Make me sick.
- Johnson: Eh, well, I guess you got a point.
- Raw Dog: I understand why we're supposed to hate niggers. Okay? They look different, they walk different, they talk different. I get it, okay. But Jews, man... why are we supposed to hate the Jews? I just found out Jerry Springer was a Jew. Jerry Fucking Springer, man. If I seen him in the street, I would kiss his ass and ask him for an autograph. I got three Adam Sandler DVDs at home, and I just found out he's a Jew too. If I was in a building and ten Jews sit down next to me, I wouldn't even know it. So what's the difference? They got money? Well, money ain't so bad. Shit, I wish I had some money. They got big noses? At least they're supposed to. Damn Teddy's got a nose that's bigger than this whole damn truck, and he ain't Jewish. So what, are we supposed to hate him? For crying out loud. Jesus is a Jew, man. I mean, we're talking Jesus. We go to church every Sunday, and we pray to the king of the Jews, man.
- [first lines]
- Alton: Need to get the Santa out of here. Number one, it's spring. It's not winter. Spring.
- Johnson: So?
- Alton: Secondly, you don't even work here. When are you gonna stop putting all your shit all around all over the place? Third..
- Johnson: Mm-hmm.
- Alton: Santa Claus ain't even of African descent.
- Johnson: Oh, yeah, that's it there. I was waiting for that. You do realize Santa Claus ain't even a real person. You can make him whatever color you want to.