Hollywood Sex Wars

When I sat down in 2022 to watch the 2011 comedy "Hollywood Sex Wars", I have to admit that I was expecting to watch something that would make me laugh.

But that was not the case with the movie written and directed by Paul Sapiano. This movie was just blatantly horrible and boring. It felt like I was watching a movie concocted by a randy teenager. Amazing how some scripts actually make the transition from paper to actual footage on the screen.

"Hollywood Sex Wars" was a swing and a miss, and it most certainly didn't make me laugh, not even once. Actually, the storyline was so boring and pointless that I started using my phone and looking at stuff online instead. Needless to say that the movie never caught on after that point.

The acting performances in the movie were semi-adequate. I mean, the actors and actresses virtually had nothing to work with in terms of a proper script or interesting characters. But I will say that they definitely put their hearts and efforts into it, and it wasn't traditional low budget, questionable acting performances that you see in some movie, so that counted for something. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress in this movie.

I am sure that there is an audience out there for a movie such as "Hollywood Sex Wars". I just wasn't in that particular audience, as I prefer a tad more to movies than sex jokes, dildos and topless women.

My rating of "Hollywood Sex Wars" lands on a more than generous three out of ten stars.

Hollywood SEX WARS will most likely appeal to those who love the Hangover/Bridesmaids/Knocked Up /etc movies. It is outrageously written and directed by out- there Paul Sapiano, and deals with sparing a group of nerdy guys under the tutelage of Johnny Eyelash (Mario Diaz, best known for 'Adam and Steve', 'Killer Drag Queens on Dope', etc) - Dominique Purdy, Richard Blair, Nicholas Cooper - who learn how to be players, against a group of women who have banded together by Big Wendy (Jenae Alt) and Little Wendy (Eli Jane) to learn how to get what they want form men without the clutter of a relationship.

Basically this film is a parody on the far edges of men and women in the dating spectrum. Sapiano manages to expose and take a long look at dating and drugs, big city life, plastic surgery, fetishes, all with the accompaniment of a lot of exposed huge mammary glands and naughty talk. If that sort of thing entertains then this is one film that is sure to please. it is high class, big budget sleaze (if there is such a thing). Buyer beware!

Grady Harp

A lot of movies have tried to portray the sort of characters that one sees in Hollywood Sex Wars without much success. Somehow, this comedy manages to make everyone come out looking human. Yes, the situations are extreme and often hilariously ridiculous, but even the craziest characters come out looking human, which adds the missing degree of realism.

The writing is smart, but the jokes range from insidery to lowest common denominator, so there is a little something for everyone to enjoy. Some people have said this isn't a very good date movie, but I think it is, even if the couple watching enjoy it for altogether different reasons.

I don't think this is as LA-centric as some people make it out to be. Anyone in a city with a nightlife can pretty much relate to how hard it is to find someone to date, and how often people flat out refuse to settle, either because they want to keep their options open or because they see relationships as being more than just about satisfying emotional needs.

Beyond that, this movie takes no prisoners. It makes fun of relationships, it makes fun of players, it makes fun of women who care more about how much a guy makes than who he is, it makes fun of drugs, it makes fun of city life, it makes fun of irresponsible people, it makes fun of hipsters, it makes fun of people who still harbor dreams of their band making it big past the age of 30, it makes fun of subcultures, it makes fun of plastic surgery, it makes fun of Star Wars cosplayers and other fetishes -- it makes fun of everything.

This movie is like the honey badger. It doesn't care. It just takes what it wants.

Hollywood Sex Wars is nothing like Boys and Girls Guide to Getting down. There is an evolution in the style of the writing; the story is a lot tighter, though the subject matter covered is very similar. Paul Sapiano offers the usual serving of sex, drugs and cynicism, but this time with a twist: the perfect LA happy ending (outdone only by Kim Kardashians multimillion dollar-making wedding and her soon to be even more lucrative divorce). Anyone familiar with Sapiano's work can see this writer/director likes to stick with talent that has proved itself, and you can tell that Dominique Purdy (who also starred in Boys and Girls Guide) is a young actor that is going to go places.

It was hilarious to see gay icon Mario Diaz playing no-nonsense womanizer Johnny Eyelash, I think that's a little detail that a lot of people who are not familiar with some of the players in this film will miss that adds a whole dimension of funny to the movie. Christine Nguyen is brilliant as a chattering bratty club girl, and it's a shame her part wasn't bigger. Eli Jane's comedic timing cannot be overstated, either -- the scene where she demands that her boyfriend buy her a house that results in a fight where she threatens to call the police and accuse him of abusing her would be as horrifying as it sounds were it not for her ability to convey the absurdity of her position through her facial expressions and actions.