- Scottie Prince: She probably wasn't the right girl for me anyway...
- Jack "Crackerjack" Hawkins: She's an incredibly wealthy, high end lingerie model, who reads to blind orphans in her spare time... Just for fun!
- Scottie Prince: Yeah, but...
- Coach Ken O'Brien: Oh, boo-hoo. Oooh, your girlfriend left you. Oooh, your daddy doesn't love you. Well I got news for the both of you. I lost my virginity to a 300 pound Samoan girl named Shirley in the outhouse outside Tuscaloosa, and that was as good as it ever got for me! And my old man put a silver dollar in my hand and a hard hat on my head and kicked me out of the house at the age of 14, telling me it was time to be a man! Now if you're done feeling sorry for yourselves, we've got a game to win.
- Jessica Applestone: You know I always encourage you to go out drinking with your friends Scott, but how could you forget our anniversary?
- Jack "Crackerjack" Hawkins: It's not my fault that I look like a stallion and you guys look like a bunch of broken down donkeys!