The Theatre Bizarre

I briefly tasted the extravagance of "The Theatre Bizarre" nearly one year ago, during a modest genre festival in country. Halfway the second segment, however, there were some technical issues and everybody got reimbursed and had to leave the theater. It took me until now to re-watch the whole thing, but my expectations were quite high because I remembered quite a number of good things from my abruptly ended first viewing. "The Theatre Bizarre" is an anthology, and the one element that immediately determines whether or not an anthology is worthwhile is the wraparound story! This film features one of best wraparound stories, with some of the grimmest and most macabre scenery ever seen. A timid young girl is lured to the sinister and seemingly abandoned Grand Guignol Theater across the street of her apartment, where she's "friendly" welcomed by a marionette version of cult legend Udo Kier and numerous other grisly dummies. As the presented stories pass by, both Udo and the girl undergo a nightmarish metamorphosis. The wraparound is courtesy of Jeremy Kasten, the underrated director of one of the better horror remakes of the decade, namely "The Wizard of Gore". As usually the case with horror omnibus movies, some of segments are good, some of the segments are bad and some of the segments are just too plain weird and flamboyant to judge properly. Unfortunately none of the six tales qualifies as truly outstanding, but at least the segments "I love you", "Vision Stains" and "The Accident" rate as well above average. They are diverse stories with either original basic concepts or uniquely tense moments. "I love you" is a prototypic mini psycho-thriller, but benefices from the ravishing Suzan Anbeh and her monologues that will make every male viewer cringe. "Vision Stains" is about a woman who kills homeless/troubled women and injects their eyeball-fluids in her own veins to live their memories… Until she witness things she didn't want to witness. This little plot is inventive and genuinely horrific, but it could have used a better climax. "The Accident" is somewhat of an alien segment, as it's more of a melodrama instead of a horror story, but it features a wonderfully grim atmosphere and a couple of harrowing moments. The other three tales vary from mediocre to inferior. The first segment "Mother of Toads" is very H.P Lovecraft like, with creepy monsters and nasty make-up effects, but writer/director Richard Stanley totally forgot to tell a story. Tom Savini's "Wet Dreams" contains a few solid moments, but the plot is derivative and rather nonsensical. The final chapter "Sweets", somewhat a crossover between "La Grande Bouffe" and "Delicatessen", tries very hard to be artsy and controversial, but it's actually just ridiculous and preposterous. Recommended viewing for experienced and open-minded horror fanatics.

Theatre Bizarre [8/10] - The wrap around story takes place in a strange theatre (thus the name). Each Segment is introduced using paper mache type people acting like puppets or something. It is somewhat unsettling and each time it gives a little hint as to what is going to happen in the upcoming story. Udo Kier is fantastic and creepy as his roll as our guide. I feel this wrap around story should have had more of a point to it, but in the end, it only serves as a conduit to get us to the actual segments of the film.

The Mother Of Toads [5/10] - This segment takes its influences from HP Lovecraft, and has some really cool and unsettling imagery in them. Because of the short nature of anthology movies, we were never really given enough time with the characters to really care about them and it also feels as though they had to just wrap it up before being able to do anything. Nice makeup though.

I Love You [6/10] - Relies more on the acting chops from its stars for the majority of this part. It does not go anywhere until the last 2 or so minutes, but it does deliver one heck of a finale.

Wet Dreams [5/10] - Being directed by Savini, you know it is going to have good effects, which it does. The real question is whether it has any substance. To its credit, it does make you question what is going on, but it still feels hallow and never really crosses the line into greatness. Not bad, but not good either.

The Accident [9/10] - It feels out of place next to all these segments of horror and gore. It has a great atmosphere and you sit there wondering just what exactly is going to happen that will make you disgusted. While this never comes, you find the director knows how to set an atmosphere, and you will get a feeling from this segment you will not find in any horror movie.

Vision Stains [9/10] - The best of the entire movie. I will not go into the story, as it is best to not know anything. All I will say is that the effects are fantastic, the music brilliant, and the story original and clever. I will be thinking about this for many weeks to come. Even if you don't like these kinds of movies, you owe it to yourself to check this segment out.

Sweets [8/10] - The most artsy out of all of them. It lacks a bit of substance and you are left wanting a bit more, however the ride it takes you on is fun. There are lots of colors and artsyness that make this short stand out from the rest of the pack. I really liked it, even if I wanted more.

In the end, this is a flawed, but ultimately worth it anthology, that I hope to see more of in the future.

Overall, mostly meh.

The Mother of Toads (Stanley's contribution) is apparently a Lovecraft riff, but I was getting Argento vibes from the witch mother, the medieval European setting, and the music. It's just alright with some icky special effects and a bare bones story.

I Love You is about an obsessive guy who can't stop loving his cheating hateful wife. Also just alright, though the two leads are solid.

Wet Dreams, the Savini segment, is about a cheating man this time who gets his comeuppance from a wife who has been scorned one too many times. It's nasty though also lacking a certain danger or sense of pure chaos. It's kinda funny, kinda gross, kinda alright.

The Accident is completely out of place tonally and even so it's not very good. Airy pretensions and a somber mood don't mean much here.

Vision Stains has an interesting premise and some good moments but isn't exactly great.

Sweets is a nasty, gross, icky flip off of a segment. It's nothing but a punchline but it kinda works.

Down a seedy city street in her neighborhood, young Enola Penny (Virginia Newcomb) is obsessed with what appears to be a long abandoned theater. One night, she sees that the front door is slightly ajar and impulsively decides to sneak inside.

This film is just one disappointment after another. I generally enter into a movie with low expectations, and this is no exception. But I had a bit of hope that this could be a decent anthology. The stars are respectable: Debbie Rochon, Udo Kier, Catriona MacColl. The directors have talent: Richard Stanley, Tom Savini, Jeremy Kasten. What went wrong?

I feel like a variety of problems plagued this one -- but it can be summed up in two basic categories. Either the story was not thought-out enough or the segment was not long enough to develop the characters, or both.

Tom Savini's segment was just too confusing, and revolved around an unfaithful man. I feel like the cheating was never made clear. And we are not given time to sympathize with him or his wife or anyone. Should I care about either of their problems?

The concept of stealing memories through eye fluid was brilliant. While the concept is clearly impossible, and it is not clear how someone would have discovered this secret, it is a remarkably good idea that could have been its own film. But even with that one, it went downhill towards the end. I was completely deflated.

The "Sweets" segment was the most visually appealing... but what was going on?

Normally in an Anthology I would break it down by stories. I feel that in this case that will not be necessary. The production of this project had such a cheap feel to it, like it was made way back in the day. It honestly felt like it was draining the life out of me it was all so bland though I did manage to finish the entire "film". This reminded me much of "Tales From The Darkside", in it's tacky form. It didn't even come close to comparing it to episodes of "Tales From The Crypt" or "Masters of Horror" it certainly didn't have that caliper of greatness, and I have seen every episode from all 3 shows I just mentioned. Horror fans do yourself a favor and pass on this I really feel I have to get the message out there because anthology's are my ultimate favorite and this just plain sucked for lack of better words, wasn't even worth watching for free on the net, there are better films to watch out there so pass on this one. 3-4/10