- Gramps: Since the day your mother squeezed you out of her rectal cavity, you've been nothing but misery for me.
- Larnell: Come on dude, the feds have been covering up UFO sightings since that flying saucer crash back in 1947. They still got the alien dudes locked up in Area 51. They've been feeding the poor little dudes Old Milwaukee and tater tots.
- Alistair: Taters.
- Larnell: Hiding 'em from us because they don't think we can handle the truth. They've been using their brains for technology too. I'm talking about microwave ovens, cell phones, Hot Pockets.
- Alistair: Hot Pockets?
- Larnell: And Jimmy Cameron.
- Alistair: Wait, Jim Cameron, the movie director?
- Larnell: Yeah, he's their offspring. The aliens's I mean. Come on Al, Avatar is like a five-hour love letter to his home planet.
- [first lines]
- The Killer: [burying a woman's body] Well, honey, I hope you're comfortable. I realize it might be a little cold. But don't you worry. I'm sure it's plenty warm where you're going. All I gotta say is, good luck to Satan. That poor son of a bitch has to deal with your nagging ass.