Almighty Thor

I have made no secret of disliking The Asylum/SyFy's output, there is the odd exception where some films of theirs are tolerable but neither come close to very good/masterpiece status, most are bad and quite a lot bottom of the barrel quality. Almighty Thor belongs in the bottom of the barrel category, and I can only think of about 3 of their films that are worse than this(Titanic II, Alien vs. Hunter and The Apocalypse).

Absolutely nothing about Almighty Thor works. The production values are really quite poor. Haphazard editing, some really odd camera angles and some of the most crude CGI effects in any of The Asylum's films. The dialogue is laughable, although a lot of the film from The Asylum/SyFy have this problem the dialogue here really takes the biscuit. Not much effort is seemingly put into the story or characters here, the story is never secure in the pace-some scenes feel rushed(the ending) and others feel pedantic(the middle)- and is never interesting, while the characters are not developed or used well at all and nothing is done to make me engage with them. The acting all round is also appalling, Cody Deal is very uncharismatic and can't act his way out of a paper bag no matter how hard he tried.

Overall, not only one of the worst so far of the year and also one of the worst to come from The Asylum. 0/10 Bethany Cox

I caught this on Syfy, and I wish I could make them take it back. The plot centered around Loki trying to destroy the earth by killing Yggdrasill, the tree of life. I don't remember if either Thor or Loki mention it by name; I got the impression they couldn't pronounce actual Nordic terms if their paychecks depended on it. Not only this, but Loki keeps talking about Ragnarok, and it is obvious the writers had no idea what the term means. They would probably also call people in a blimp "the Rapture." Anywhoo, the whole plot requires Loki to steal Thor's hammer. Why this is difficult is never made clear, because Thor is a major beefcake meathead. He sounds like a surfer and spends most of the movie looking like he needs a diaper change. Some woman named Jarnsaxa spoon-feeds him every move, which is amazing because she is practically unintelligible--a fact made even more painful when they do vocal effects and her words could not be deciphered even by CIA software.

I won't spoil the ending, because the director and writer already did that. Suffice it to say that it involves a trip to Hell; not HEL, the Nordic afterlife and the goddess thereof, but basically the Christian Hell--fire, lava, the whole ball of melting wax.

Watch this if you need a good laugh; there isn't an ounce of real heroism or grandeur in the whole mess. My biggest disappointment was Richard Grieco, who can be an effective menace but here comes across as a street punk with a wand and a skin condition.

Wow… almighty I think not. I saw the ads playing on TV and it actually looked like it might be some harmless, no-brainer fun. Terrible, but fun. Well it was a no-brainer. As this limited made-for-TV Scy-fy feature (from The Global Asylum productions) was a lousy superhero knock-off with little in way of entertainment and even unintentional laughs in this role-playing venture. It reminded me of those Hercules / Xena TV episodes, but they were better. Other than Cody Deal's humorously awkward delivery of his lines and overall whiny attitude as Thor, this mockery was rather drab and repetitive. How many times do I have to watch Richard Grieco as the demonic god Loki wandering around the woods and streets. At least with that wandering, he did look badass in his get-up while also frowning a lot but at least there was a purpose for that constant wandering… in search of Odin's Hammer of Invincibility. So there's a lot of walking (bad guys), then running (good guys) and but also yelling. I don't know why… but yelling seems like the only way to get something across. Especially Thor. Constant arguments with Patricia Velasquez'z helpful character. But even when danger is around (dogs of hell and the CGI) or there's a chance to finish things off, people decide to stand around explaining things that just don't need explaining. Maybe it's because Thor is just so stupid, you just wish Locki would finish the job… "…Not quite!". When it comes to the jerky action, for most part it's done in awesome slow-motion to simply enhance the epic, if lumbering fight choreography. It's no effect, they are virtually fighting in slow motion. One move after another. While watch round after round as Thor gets beaten up by Locki. Every encounter is basically the same and Thor is too dumb to realise training would help. But no he must kill Loki… NOW! Quite awe-inspiring, just like the powerful dialogues with a message at heart. However where is else to you get to see Thor toting a machine gun… yep a machine gun… against a god… and he did have the hammer at his use. It figures, as its lack of imagination shows. Also showing up in a small part is Kevin Nash as Odin.

"I don't believe in fate."

This movie was just hilariously awful. It seems like a 12 year old wrote the script. It tells the story of a young Thor coming of age and trying to avenge his father Odin (played by professional rassler Kevin Nash), who was smited by Loki (Richard Grieco). Seems Loki the evil trickster wants the famous hammer that would eventually become Thor's bread and butter weapon. Grieco walks around with evil written all over him including a powdery white face and black spikey armor.

Cody Deal is the dumbest Thor or for that matter any other super hero/god ever. He can't fight and even though Jarnsaxa (a warrior chick trained by The Valkyries played by Patricia Velasquez) tells him over and over that he can't fight, has no skills and can't beat Loki he just continually ignores her and says "I'm going to find Loki and kill him". Guess what?! Every time he finds Loki he gets his butt whipped handily. Still our thickheaded moron of a hero won't go train and says "I am going to find Loki and kill him!" This movie is beyond bad. I watched it on the Sci/Fi channel and it has all the makings of a Sci/Fi original film. The CGI is cheap and cartoony. The fights are shot like they shot one move, cut, then another move, cut and then another. BUT I will say this, if you like bad movies and like to laugh at how horrible and ridiculous they are then you will get something out of this. I laughed and was held to the screen by its awfulness!

I have read other reviews of this film, and think they are being generous to talk about this film as having five characters, because I saw some people wandering around on the screen, sometimes in slo-mo, other times in no-mo, but there wasn't much character there. Cody Deal, who is he, by the way?, has the body for Thor; too bad they kept it covered up most of the time with a Wal-Mart quality costume. He doesn't have the voice for this kind of hero, however, and I kept waiting for him to just stop talking.

Richard Grieco has acting skills, which unfortunately he left back in the 1980s and neglected to bring along to this film. The rest can go without mention.

As for the plot, well, it is hard to talk about plot here. Thor is supposed to save the world by defeating the evil devil-god Loki in the back alleys of Los Angeles, and every other low-budget location that could be had for a hundred bucks and some coffee-shop coupons. Round this out with computer animations and enhancements straight off of my old Commodore 64 computer, and you get a major horror film, but perhaps not the kind of horror really intended. Someone was channeling Ed Wood here for sure. We just needed burning paper plates doubling as UFOs to complete the effect, and hey, there's an idea for a sequel! Syfy and Asylum were looking to cash in on the bigger Thor picture in theaters now (apparently this Thor auditioned for that role, too; in what universe was that going to happen?) but apparently Brannagh's Thor isn't hammering the crowds, either, in real blockbuster fashion.

Well, I guess this is the season for Worse rather than Norse.