House of Darkness

It must be tedious to write movies like this one: the ending is obvious from the premises, so the remaining time must be filled by characters' development.

Unfortunately, the evil one (Long) is not evil at all, and the heroines (the vampires) are not heroic. Instead, they all share bad lines.

After 90' of watching, one gets the long predicted ending - and there could have been an interesting plot twist: e.g. The victim could have proved himself as a vampire hunter and kill the monsters...but this is simply forbidden in Hollywoke.

More, if the movie had not involved a male dismemberment, it would never be done.

So pathetic.

Justin Long plays a dorky guy who drives the sassy Kate Bosworth home to maybe get frisky in her big old spooky house.

The rest of the movie is a real time (yes, really) conversation that drags on and on. The extensive dialogue is cluttered, swamped with umms and ahhs and throwaway lines that the cheapest editor on Fiverr would have jettisoned immediately.

The cinematography is poor. Actors often have their eyes in shadow which subtracts from their otherwise decent performances. There is only one location, a living room, and most of the time we can barely see it. They took the title literally, it seems. Don't expect the house to play any role. It doesn't.

It's a very basic movie, essentially a one act radio play. A cliched thirty second denouement is telegraphed hard and then it's over. I can't even tell you what this movie is about because it only has one idea and it would spoil the whole thing. As a five minutes short, it would be respectable. As a movie, it's a toothless waste of time.

We just tried to watch this movie. Whoever wrote this dialog clearly has never interacted with real humans. 20 minutes in and Justin Long's character was so unlikeable with the ceaseless rambling that we gave up. There was zero action or anything compelling to hook someone in. This would probably be suited best as a low budget play instead of a movie. The preview to the film was intriguing but if you can't hook an audience in the first 20 min of an hour and a half film the entire script needs to be rewritten. Overall I will give this a one star for the reimagining premise but sadly cannot give it any more than that.

I really enjoyed this actually! Justin Long and Kate Bosworth are some seriously good actors. They really put on a show! I understand there was a ton of conversation and it's pretty fair to say this was incredibly slow. I can understand that. But sometimes slow is good. This held pretty solid build up and while it was predictable I also considered this to be a classic long stretch of tales from the crypt type of story. So I really enjoyed the aspect of that and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen. Even if I knew there was clearly something off about Mina you still don't know exactly what it may be! The ending was great and a classic! The acting was also incredibly good as expected.

A guy goes home with an attractive woman believing he's found himself a casual hookup.

What is this? OMG. I like Justin Long but I don't want to watch him rambling, at times incoherently, for nearly 90 minutes. There's so little dialogue that all you hear is him trying to carry the whole weight of the movie on his shoulders while the rest of the cast asked stupid, repetitive questions and stares at him. It was a bit ridiculous. The story is so obvious. You know where this is heading in the first five minutes. It's not very creative or interesting.

I made it through the whole film but this just turned out to be a flop for me. It's not something that I'm gonna be hyping up.