1313: Actor Slash Model

What an amazing film. It's all about guys walking around in an empty mansion without their shirts on. It's riveting. Of course, there is one shirt wearing guy who stalks and kills them because he doesn't look very good with his shirt off. But not to worry... the deaths are off camera, and there is no blood. Nothing to spoil the great wandering around of shirtless males. Sure, every once in a while one of them will go for a swim, take a shower, or work out, but mostly they just walk around wondering where everyone else is. Without shirts. So if you are into guys without shirts wandering aimlessly in a big mansion, this is the movie for you!

I just watched this on Netflix, and man did this movie stink! Another review mentioned that it had shirtless boys walking around aimlessly in a mansion... and that was pretty damn accurate.

Yes the boys are pretty to look at, but I'm sorry. I need more to a movie than that. The "plot" was weak. A jealous boy who didn't get cast in their movie is going around killing everyone who IS cast. He's smaller than most of the boys he is "killing" (you never see a drop of blood, we'll get to that...) so most of the killing make no sense to me. He could EASILY be overtaken by these boys. Weak. Then there is the aspect of the dead bodies... or rather the lack there of. No blood. No bodies. Is he magic? You'd think there would be a pile of bodies SOMEWHERE, right? Nope. Nothing.

I would rather beat myself in the face with a Twilight DVD for weeks rather than watch this, or any other 1313 film ever again. (yeah, there are more... and I stupidly thought "Hey, maybe the other one is better?")

I was wrong.

This film has a great potential plot, Spurned actor seeks revenge by killing his rivals...

And that my friends is where great ends...

The script is marvelously dull and repetitive, with several actors having just two lines... hello and oops make that one line repeatedly...

The action is a continuous looping tour of a decadent Beverly Hills mansion..... Or at least four or five rooms of the mansion over and over and over again...

The acting is somewhat poor and wooden from most and overdone in others...

In a nutshell this film was massively disappointing and there are several more in the 1313 series to watch...