Bigfoot

I'm not quite sure what happened, This atrocity came on and next thing I knew, I was drooling on myself and had crapped my pants. Good thing Bonaduce can still get work. The only saving grace of this entire fiasco was of course the "Bigfoot" without a doubt the most realistic, and awe inspiring "Bigfoot" in the history of Bigfootdom. Barry Williams soul inspiring performance reminded me of John Schneider in "OGRE" enough cannot be said about his performance and therefore, it shall not be said, suffice it to know, Danny Bonaduce he is not and that's not a bad thing. The movie as a whole? definitely watchable as long as you have a beautiful drunk woman passed out on the couch who wasn't paying attention where you live and never caught your name.

Ever since Mr. Mercer and myself have endeavored to create our own monster movie based on the legendary bigfoot (you can read more about our efforts here), I've kept an eye out for any and all things related to the ever elusive Sasquatch. Enter the release of 2012′s Bigfoot, a made for TV movie that documents the reign of terror imposed by a creature more relative in size and stature to King Kong than the reportedly gentle giant that roams the forests of North America.

There are a number of ways one could approach a film like this, but I would never have guessed that the story would center around a rock concert in the shadow of Mount Rushmore. Two aging foes—who apparently shared glory days as members of jam bands during the 1980′s—lock horns in a dispute that boils down to conservationism versus capitalism. I'll save you the grief of a tedious narrative recap by saying simply that the catalyst that ultimately sets up the confrontation with the creature of cryptozoological lore is idiotic; it's a hammy idea that may have worked had the actors been more willing to "cheese up" the proceedings, but a misplaced sense of seriousness sinks any hopes of intentional laughter. Instead, we get uneven sequences that find our hero and villain spouting off cliché lines (and plot points) about protecting the environment and generating revenue for small town America (respectively).

Are you bored yet? If so, I apologize, but this serves to highlight the fatal flaw of Bigfoot: that there isn't enough of well bigfoot. When the monster shows up good fun is had by all, but too much of the movie is bogged down in a dispute between two unlikable characters. Last time I checked, people tune into the SyFy Channel movie of the week because they want over-the-top gore and an overabundance of horrendous special effects. Here, neither is given the screen time it deserves, and the result is a mind-numbing movie with an absolutely infuriating conclusion that's every bit as hollow as Alice Cooper's two minute cameo.

Yeah. You read that right. Actually, said appearance might just be the highlight of Bigfoot. As the aging rock star touts before being stepped on by the massive primate, "I'm the scariest thing you'll ever see!"

I was looking forward to the intentional cheesiness of the Partridge vs. Brady hype, but the movie just has too many stupid people doing stupid things that no real person would do. Ruined the fun for me. Also, since when is Bigfoot supposedly bigger than a house and yet could still never be found? And when did he start ripping people apart and eating them?

As the story went on, it just seemed like people in that community had been doing stupid things for maybe a century. No one could ever put 2 and 2 together and make 4.

At least Danny Bonnaduce realizes that his career is made up of playing some silly version of himself and glories in it. Poor Barry Williams has to play his role straight-faced and serious, trying so hard to make a glaring eye look more glaring and intense by keeping it glaring longer and twisting his inherently droopy face. I think he got the bad end of the deal on this one.

I had hoped for a good bad-movie-night film, but it's so much worse than that. Makes me sad. This could have been done with the right attitude and just a small grain of intelligence and been fun.

A gigantic Bigfoot is disturbed when the most pathetic music festival in film history is held near Mount Rushmore and goes on a rampage of death and destruction. There must be about 30 extras that make up the "crowd", they did, however, somehow manage to rope in Alice Cooper to make an appearance, and this for me was the only positive thing that I can say about this awful, cheap movie from The Asylum. Terrible continuity - in one scene there's snow on the ground, the next it's gone, then it's back again! Dreadful CGI effects, much of the acting isn't much better either. There are plenty of bad Bigfoot/Yeti movies out there but this is the worst that I have seen to date. This film is an ABOMINATION!

Bigfoot (2012)

1/2 (out of 4)

A concert promoter (Danny Bonaduce) is having an 80's festival in South Dakota and to do this he must destroy several acres of land, which doesn't sit well with a land lover (Barry Williams). Soon the two are battling each other over the land but Bigfoot shows up and wants everyone off him home turk. BIGFOOT comes from director Bruce Davison and lets just say that it's without question one of the worst movies ever done on the subject. I will admit that I'm a Bigfoot lover and I enjoy watching any movie I can on him so if someone such as myself hates this film so much I'm really not sure how bad others will hate it. I will say that I think Davison could make for a good director as it's clear he knows how to tell a story, the film looks professional and so on. However, whoever had the idea to do "this" to Bigfoot should be ashamed of themselves. The Bigfoot here isn't the one we've all come to love but instead it has more to do with King Kong. Yes, the title creature here is a gigantic monster that runs wild just like the big ape, which is just downright stupid and silly. For starters, just a tad bit of logic would tell you that it would be impossible for no one to have spotted him already if he was this big. Secondly, what was the point? Why have Bigfoot be this giant monster? Those expecting to see your typical Bigfoot are going to be disappointed but that's not the only bad thing. The constant back and forth between Williams and Bonaduce gets old very quickly. These elements seem more like a spoof but the rest of the film is played straight. Another problem is that there's really no fun to be had with Bigfoot being so annoying. Even his death scenes are pretty bland as he usually picks people up and bites their head off yet there's no blood so go figure. Joining the cast is Sherilyn Fenn who plays a cop and we get a fun cameo from Alice Cooper playing himself. Again, I'm really not sure whose idea it was to turn this Bigfoot into a giant ala King Kong but the end result is an incredibly bad movie and one of the worst of its kind. Even The Asylum should be embarrassed.