- Kurt Huxley: And let's be honest, being a poetry major probably opens up just about as many doors in the corporate world as it does open your butthole in federal prison... for drugs.
- Dad: Look son, it's very very simple. All you have to do is stop smoking the reefer. And if you don't, bad... really bad things are going to happen to you!
- Dad: Kurt, I remember when you were first born. It was precious. Like a little amniotic sack of sunshine. I also remember when my 10 years of sobriety ended. Well, Joan, you can't win em all.
- Mom: You know, talking to you sometimes I feel like a beached whale, like I'm beckoning my youth to come splash water on me.
- Kurt Huxley: Ah, unfortunately I've got one of those court ordered doohickies down there that calls in the swat team if I go outside the magic fence. I guess I could hack off my right foot with a butter knife, but that'd be pointless. My right foot loves weed.
- Kurt Huxley: Kronson the bronson and bronson some cronson bronson, means, crack a beer and burn some chronic bro. See, it's totally undetectable to the un-high mind.
- Art: Well, maybe people just enjoying doing random shit that they enjoy doing like... some people taking pictures of chicks peeing... or... I don't know, why do people collect stamps?
- Amy: Art, despite what delusions you may have, there is a big difference between perverse photography, hobbies, and drug addiction. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be out of here!
- Art: This isn't about smoking pot, or stealing pot, or flushing pills down the toilet. This is about you. As a person.