Terror Train

I watched the entire movie and felt compelled to write a review, so there, you have that.

My expectations were low, but I actually enjoyed a lot of this movie. It was pretty predictable. Even without seeing the original, it was pretty obvious who the killer was from the start despite trying to throw a string of red herrings at the viewer.

It was mostly well-acted with a few flat performances, but nothing terrible. The kills were mainly off camera but the gore was pretty good when we got to see it.

This movie was mostly a money grab, I think. It didn't seem to have the love for the genre that a lot of the low budget horror movies have, but like I said, it was still entertaining.

Terror Train (2022) is a near replica of the 1980 version, sans the original ending which still ended up being obvious anyway.

The main problem with Terror Train (2022) is there was no point in remaking the original with a less attractive and more lame cast, paired with a smaller budget. I'm guessing most of the budget went toward renting costumes and filming a rail yard, no money left for hot bimbos. The premise of a slasher on a party train has so much creative potential, yet it all goes to waste here. A looser "remake" with a sexier cast, and more competent director that better understands the art of suspense and fun that goes with a slasher movie meant this could have been good. But really what do you expect these days? If you're the mood, just re-watch the original.

On a side note, special shoutout to Tubi which has low key become the best streaming service available. While it's main appeal is it's massive library of older movies, at least their originals tend to be minor and on the side of trashy low budget entertainment like a Terror Train remake. Still better than the garbage that other streaming services offer.

Now, I am not familiar with the 1980s horror movie "Terror Train" from director Roger Spottiswoode, so just how much of a copy and paste job director Philippe Gagnon did of the original I have no idea. In fact, I didn't even know about the 1980s movie prior to stumbling upon this 2022 movie and finding out that it was a remake of an older movie.

Writers Ian Carpenter and Aaron Martin put together an adequate storyline and plot here. But of course, I am not familiar with the 1980s movie, so I don't know how different or alike the two movies are. So I cannot compare this remake to the original. And with that being said, then I will say that I enjoyed this 2022 movie for what it was. Sure, it wasn't a groundbreaking horror movie, but it provided me with adequate entertainment.

The cast ensemble in "Terror Train" was good, and I was pleasantly surprised to see Tim Rozon on the cast list, and he was quite good in the movie. Just a shame that he wasn't given more screen time.

For a horror movie, then director Philippe Gagnon didn't exactly break any formulas or go up and beyond what you would expect from a movie such as "Terror Train". But it made for an adequately entertaining enough movie, and that was good enough for me.

My rating of "Terror Train" lands on a five out of ten stars.

The original is a pretty standard slasher beyond its gimmick and predictable villain. I always thought the magic thing was weird. At least they got David Copperfield.

This is one is basically the same. The first 90% is one for one. The only difference is the final twist which you can figure out because they stole it from another classic slasher movie.

They just added the most blatant, cheap modernizations possible: a more diverse cast, social media, selfies, dropping trendy terms like "polyamorous", "snowflake", "canceled" etc...

The "Boy Who Cried Wolf" thing doesn't work after the 5th time.

This remake pretty awful, but I have to give credit to the producers recapturing at least most of the original's eerie atmosphere, the dark night on a train scenario. Also, the clown definitely beats the Groucho costume, and the Lizard was an upgrade too. The killer is more intimidating because of these changes, and that rocks. That being said, everything else ought to be thrown into the garbage disposal. The usual overdone political correction and the bad acting add up to a snooze-fest, not unusual in remakes, especially STS (Straight-To-Streaming) remakes. The original is no masterpiece, but it definitely holds your interest on a cold winter night due to the interesting characters involved, such as the weird magician. I got the impression these actors had to hold back from laughing at the cheesy scripts they were given, understandably. It amounts to nothing more than a joke, after all. So, I recommend exiting this flick after you've had a good look at the cool costumes and then switching to something better on TUBI.