- Phelous: So now with the coach disappearing with a scream and worried they might be under some kind of an attack, they do the sensible thing and drive on the rim. No, wait, they don't do that. This actually being one of the stupidest things in this film: their utter refusal to drive on the flat. It'd ruin the rim and be a bumpy ride, but you know, they'd be alive!
- Phelous: Assistant's doorway standing naturally earns him a one-way ticket to Dumbassville via the Jeepster.
- Phelous: Oh no, I've been locked in my apartment with a poisonous gas filtering in. What am I gonna do?
- [prepares to smash the window with a block of wood, then stops]
- Phelous: No, I don't really wanna break my window.
- [gags and dies; flashforward]
- Phelous: Ooh, did I just die in that little segment?
- Obscurus Lupa: Nope, sure didn't. Derp-dee-doo.
- Phelous: You know, they could have just had Creepers-Weepers rip the engine out or something. If you want them stuck there, actually make them stuck there!
- Phelous: Well I guess it's that time to mention that Jeepers Creepers 1 and 2 were written and directed by Victor Salva, a convicted pedophile. No, I don't have a joke for that.
- Sheriff: Are you close to anything?
- Student: Yeah, I'm close to peeing my fucking pants, man!
- Phelous: Yeah, what will help them get to you sooner is a lack of information.
- Phelous: [thunderclap] Oh no, Phelous D1!
- Phelous D1: I'm still a cat.
- Phelous: Oh. Well, from now on, you're gonna be an out-door cat.