Thunderbolts*

There are bad movies, and then there are movies so painfully dull that they feel like a form of passive torture. The kind of film where the plot moves at the speed of drying paint, where characters talk endlessly about nothing, and where any promise of action or excitement is crushed under the weight of meaningless dialogue. This is that movie-a sluggish, monotonous experience that tests the audience's patience at every turn.

From the very first scene, it's clear that nothing of importance is going to happen anytime soon. The camera lingers on empty hallways, slow pans across unremarkable landscapes, and close-ups of characters sighing dramatically before speaking in long, rambling monologues. The dialogue isn't sharp or insightful-it's just *words*, endless streams of them, filling the runtime without adding depth to the story or the characters. Conversations drag on for minutes, circling the same points without resolution, as if the screenwriter was paid by the word and refused to stop typing.

The characters are just as lifeless as the pacing. They stand around in dimly lit rooms, delivering lines with all the energy of someone reading a grocery list. There's no urgency in their voices, no real conflict in their interactions-just a never-ending cycle of half-baked philosophical musings and trivial observations. Even when the plot *should* pick up-when there's finally a hint of danger or a moment that could lead to action-the movie slams on the brakes, cutting away to another tedious conversation or a prolonged silence that adds nothing but runtime.

And then, just when you think something might *finally* happen-when a character picks up a weapon, when a mysterious figure appears in the distance-the movie cuts to another scene of people sitting at a table, talking. And talking. And *still talking*. There's no payoff, no release of tension, just more words piling up like a traffic jam of unnecessary exposition. Even the climax-if it can be called that-is a letdown, resolving in yet another conversation instead of the action the entire film has been teasing.

By the time the credits roll, the only emotion left is relief-relief that it's over, that no more time will be wasted watching characters do nothing and say everything without ever getting to the point. It's the kind of movie that makes you question why you didn't just turn it off halfway through, except that even walking away feels like it would require more energy than the film itself ever expended.

In the end, this isn't just a bad movie-it's an endurance test. A masterclass in how to drain all excitement, energy, and engagement from a story, leaving behind nothing but a hollow, tedious experience. It's the cinematic equivalent of watching grass grow, except grass doesn't talk. And in this case, silence would have been a mercy.

For a long time I've wanted marvel to allow the characters to truly feel the weight of their actions and come to grips with everything they do without some joke undercutting any and every emotional moment becuase they believe we can't handle seeing pain. This movie rectified that. Depression, suicidal ideation, apathy, loneliness and all of it was kept there without trying to make you turn away or think it funny.

They make you sit with the agony on yelenas face seeing how much her past affects her as well as everyone else. This gave me the emotional sincerity that's always been missing in the majority of mcu projects. The most human marvel has felt in a long time. Solid 8/10.

Okay, so Marvel definitely succeeded to up thier game in this movie. They took it to a completely different category of storytelling. I was certainly impressed with the symbolism and how they portrayed "depression" and a human-being's darkness. Beautifully done in terms of tackling mental issues and shedding light into this topic. Also, the cast and assembling the ragtag team of misfits was great and funny. Good team dynamic as they were able to make them click and sync together beautifully. I loved the movie, it made my eyes tear up at some moments that were emotionally deep and genuine. Bravo Marvel Studios, you certainly nailed this one.

Florence Pugh was the best thing in Black Widow, and she's easily the best thing in Thunderbolts. Every moment that she's onscreen (and luckily she's onscreen a lot), she shines up the place.

And Thunderbolts really does need some sunshine. From the opening Marvel logo it's a dark affair, both in visual style (the ugly saturated look makes its entrance in the MCU) as in subject matter. Don't let the funny oneliners and random banter fool you, there's a lot of pain in this new rag tag team.

Thunderbolts does have a lot of fun with its underdog position. It's easy to see that Feige and co hope this team will be a new GOTG phenomenon. Unfortunately the movie feels a bit too tired to be able to do that. Despite all the reviews and ads proclaiming this will be the renaissance of the MCU: It's really just the Marvel PG 13 version of Suicide Squad.

The acting is very good, the visual effects look less rushed then they did in the previous films and I really had a good time. But there remained that nagging feeling that I was watching a movie that knew all the right notes but somehow just wasn't able to sing.

It's no secret that the MCU hasn't had a good movie (excepting Guardians 3) since Endgame, and even Endgame was more of a resolution than a great movie unto itself. The new phase has varied from mediocre to bad to Quantumania (a movie so bad, that I believe it should be it's own adjective). The one exception (G3) is more a remnant of the old era than part of the new.

This is why I think alot of people are overpraising Thunderbolts, which is a nice solid movie...but is hardly amazing. If this had come out during the MCU's glory days, it would have felt like a solidly average movie by MCU standards. It would stand alongside Thor 1 or Cap 1 or Black Panther as "yup, that's another MCU movie". But surround it with the recent Falcon movie, Dr. Strange 2, Eternals, and so on and Thunderbolts stands tall and proud by comparison.

IMHO, the best things about this movie are the actors/characters. Especially Florence Pugh, David Harbour, and Julie Louis-Dreyfus. I'd like to give Sebastian Stan a shoutout, but did Bucky really do anything but flex and look like the adult in a group of bickering children?

But that is what used to make the MCU great. The MCU movies were never elite scripts/plots. They were basic fun action/comedy/spectacle movies with fun, bright characters played by actors with charisma and charm. And despite Ghost and US Agent being pretty bland, the movie mostly delivers. JLD does well as the scenery chewing villainess, Pugh and Harbour are priceless in this, as they were in Black Widow. It's still an absolute crime that Disney sat on it's thumbs and wasted it's shot at a good Black Widow movie, only producing one far too late.

I also want to give the movie credit for doing a very cliche thing with the respect to Sentry, but doing it in a way that felt earned and believable, when it very easily could have been eye-rollingly stupid. If you've seen the movie, I suspect you can guess what I mean, but I don't want to spoil anything.

There definitely are some moments where characters know things they shouldn't know, or where power levels seem inconsistent. I'm not going to claim it's a 'clean' movie in that respect. Some things occurred that were a bit too 'just so'. But there weren't any that took me out of the movie...except one. I really didn't like how omnipotent Sentry was from a 'super soldier program'. Every other super soldier program produced low tier super-people. Sentry was Superman+. This seems orders of magnitude beyond others, and makes it hard to swallow that there won't be a billion such programs going forward.

I think the humor was okay, but not excellent. The action setpieces were fine...but seldom as impressive as some of the MCU's past offerings.

I think the only person in this that really inspires 'hero' is Yelena...the others kind of all feel like joke characters. Even Bucky, despite being portrayed consistently seriously and competent doesn't really feel like a part of a headliner group...which is part of the point of course. But I feel like that lack of a standout hurts going forward. Heck, Yelena's best showcase really comes in a weak movie alot of people skipped (Black Widow) and a streaming series that even more people skipped (Hawkeye).

So basically, good movie, I enjoyed it, but let's keep the praise reasonable.