Cade: The Tortured Crossing

Cade: The Tortured Crossing is the latest film from everyone's favorite cult movie director, Neil Breen. It's a sequel to another of his films, but I went in without seeing the first movie and still had a good time.

It's all around an awful movie, but it's also highly entertaining. I went to an actual theater showing of it, and I treasure the experience of cracking up and groaning to this movie with at least 100 other bad movie lovers. The dialog is stilted, the acting is stiff, the shots always linger too long, the script repeats itself so many times, and there's at least 7 fake-out endings that will have you begging and then cheering when the film finally does end. It broke my brain, but in a fun way. A very high laughs-per-minute rate as far as bad movies go. Watch it with a big crowd of fellow cult movie fanatics.

Ok, where do I start.

To begin with, the lack of talent of this monumentally delusional fella is unparalleled. People might say 'The Room' is the worst movie ever, and it probably is, though I do beg to differ. In my humble opinion that would be the case had not Neil Breen ever existed. Sadly though, he did.

I have seen all of his so-called movies. They all are undeniably horrible; non existing writing & cinematography, delusional characters, Mr Breen himself that can only do good even when he's on various killing sprees, wooden acting (especially on his part,) lack of facial expressions (times-two on his part), the list goes on.

And, after having carefully 'considered' his pedigree, I must say that 'Cade: The tortured Crossing' reaches - by a long shot - the peak of senile stupidity.

Neil Green is a strange animal, even stranger than the white are-you-kidding-me-what-is-this-CGI tiger present in this mega turkey. I mean, each movie he makes, things get worst. He seems not to be able to understand anything on moviemaking, wrapped in his (I'd guess) heavily self medicated self delusion.

I cannot get past the childish attitude this untalented fella projects on the screen. I cannot get past the moment he saw a... "Hey, look! A green screen! OMG now I can make a whole movie disregarding (even more than before) perspective, storytelling, acting. I gotta run though, gotta use as many pictures as possible from my ShutterStock free trial.

A Romanian Castle? Perfect!

A dilapidated building? Right on!

The Austrian Alps? Fantastic!

Whatever? Even better!

Who cares!! Now I will be able to do any nonsensical no-sense anytime I want. Tell you what, from now on call me Neil Green." Ok, all jokes aside he clearly must have some kind of issues, and I am saying that because no functioning person can misuse a brain the way he does.

I need to add something else. I have never reviewed any of his stuff, this time I had to. Especially after having noticed the scam he's pulling off here on the IMDB database. The scores this master-crap is receiving (10s after 10s) reflect a troubling state of affairs. Clearly, the desire to inflate ratings means that among this man's numerous negative qualities a new one, perhaps the worst, is emerging: deception.

Enough now. Let's just end it by saying I wouldn't wish my worst enemy watching this pile of crap.

Please Neil Breen, please stop this insanity. Yes, you have a Ferrari, and yes you are and forever will be the good one, we got it. We finally did. So now your work's done. Please, disappear. Please.

This film is a breathtaking piece of cinema. The chances are that you did not stumble randomly into a Breen movie. You know exactly what you are getting yourself in for - an experience of a lifetime. And his latest film delivers exactly that, and yet so much more. In "Cade: the tortured crossing", Breen nonchalantly dismisses conventional movie making practices, disregarding trivialities such as continuity, plot, character development, credible special effects and effective editing. Instead, Breen boldly challenges our notions of cinematic entertainment with a 96 minute tour de force of insanity that will leave you questioning why you even got out of bed this morning. Breen masterfully uses computer editing techniques to produce some of the most breathtaking martial arts battles ever to be captured on camera. While some critics argue that this film could have been made by inept high school students, they simply do not understand what Breen brings to the cinematic table. Breen's genius lies in his ability to create extremely low-quality, low-cost films that somehow manage to become cult classics regardless of how bad they are. Yes, its true - this film is a disaster in terms of production quality. The film was shot entirely on a blue screen, using only five or six backgrounds for the whole production. Shots are held for too long, the dialogue is barely audible and rarely makes sense, and the music is too loud. There are few sequences where more than four shots are linked together logically. However, in spite of these shortcomings, this film presents a thought provoking and profound analysis of the human condition, and an incisive critique of the US mental healthcare system. Thoroughly recommended.

I stumbled upon this person's imbd page because life can be cruel. Intrigued, i went to the official site for the film, and subjected myself to the horrors of watching the trailer. What happened during, as well as the aftermath is sonething I wish not even on my worst enemy.

Let's begin with the "acting" (if it can even be considered that). I have watched adult films that have better acting than this. Hell, my dog (may she rest in peace), once faked an injury in order to stay in bed all day. Her acting was far better than what I saw in this (I know she was faking because I had knee surgery, and within minutes of getting home with a my leg immobilized, she suddenly started limping - plus the vet who examined her said there was absolutely nothing wrong... By dinnertime, she was running and jumping all over the place).

Then there's the green screen... Was every "set" a green screen? You're telling me they couldnt even be bothered to rent some warehouse and adapt it?

Fight scenes.... Enough said...

If you're a glutton for punishment, or need to atone for some really bad things you did in the past, then watch the trailer.. Might even get you karma points for future bad acts. If you really want to suffer, watch the entire film. I'm not going to subject myself to that level of torture, but you may be a bit stronger than me.

In short: A wealthy benefactor funds a hospital to study genome editing that is plagued by black-market medicine theft and poor maintenance.

Neil Breen makes many decisions in this film that, if they were part of a more complete and coherent vision, would be bold and truly represent ambitious B-movie filmmaking.

Aesthetically: The entire movie is shot in green screen, over stock photos. Establishing shots are also stock footage. This is really exciting to me; it represents a really interesting way to do a film on a budget and nobody else would dare to do a film that way.

Narratively: The first 20 minutes of this movie has a lot going on, and it honestly made me wonder if Breen had learned from his previous films. He's certainly learned a few editing tricks. But as the film continues, it's clear that Breen still hasn't figured out how to write a plot with a beginning, middle, and end; scenes happen in seemingly random order and repeat information.

And as usual for Breen, characters speak vaguely without specific details or characterization. This is especially frustrating because it feels like this film, of all his post-Fateful Findings films, really has a clear and interesting premise.

Ultimately I came out of this film really wanting to see Breen direct another writer's work, or another writer direct a Breen screenplay. Both the central narrative idea and the directorial style have interesting things to say, but they both need some external contribution to really make them click.