Bermondsey Tales: Fall of the Roman Empire

Michael Head is making the kind of films he wants to make - London gangster films. And he's not bad at it. The trouble is that he's not good at it either.

There's a lot of attempts at witty banter and it doesn't really come off. And that's a problem, because it's half the film. There are some decent actors here who can deliver such lines, but I think perhaps the direction was lacking because everyone waits for everyone else to finish their line. It's like everything is a rehearsal rather than a take.

Alan Ford is in this and he's got a charisma and intensity that is always very watchable, but he just doesn't have the chance to shine here. You see him deliver a line in his usual excellent manner, but it falls flat as everyone else waits their turn. There are a bunch of familiar British crime film faces, like Vas Blackwood and Rohit Nathaniel - though they tend to be from the lower budget end of things. And then there's a scattering of people from Eastenders and the Inbetweeners. But the slow pace of everything and the slow acting just ruins anything they might have had. And annoyingly, the worst actor is Michael Head himself. He's not convincing as a tough guy and I'm sure he thinks there's charm and humour to his performance, but there just isn't. John Hannah is wasted here too - as is Vicki Michelle.

With better writing, better direction and tighter editing, there's a potentially good film here. But as it stands, it's just not good enough.

Ooh, look a whole bunch of ten star ratings from people who've never reviewed anything else. Par for the course, eh?

Please stop giving creative control to Michael Head. Bermondsey Tales doesn't seem to have any sense of direction, seems to have too many characters, and there's a lack of soundtrack in most scenes. Hardly anyone is likeable in the film and they mostly act awkward. One or two scenes weren't too bad but mostly a bore.

I couldn't give this movie anything more than one star. It was the most unimaginative piece of garbage I've seen in years. This tell it, talk about it nonsense, introducing each act, is a done and dusted technique, that needs no revival. If Ms Smith is hoping to further her career after that awful EastEnders soap she was in, then she'll have to do a bit more than just wiggling her ass (as scrumptious as it may be).

I found the whole cast to be somewhat wanting in the convincing stakes, with Ms Smith's attempt at a cockney accent, emphasising the whole shebang. I sat through the gruelling runtime of one hour thirty nine minutes, by which time, I not only wanted to slit my own wrists, I wanted to slit someone else's too. Sorry Mr Head, this attempt at whatever it was, was not for me, or most of the cast either, I'd imagine.

Bermondsey Tales - an immensely funny creative look at how the South London Mob operated in the yearly 70ies and 80ies. A creative tale of "true criminal tales" told with imagination, a bit of tongue in cheek and a lot of humor. A must see for any South Londoner or gangster fan, or if you just enjoy a laugh.

A fantastic cast including many well known actors, with a few new commers that should be mentioned including the Writer and Director Michael Head.

Cast includes Gary Webster, Vas Blackwood, Linda Robson and Maise Smith to name but a few.

It tells the tale of the rise and fall of the mob and the various characters and their antics.

I watched Bermondsey Tales at the cinema and really enjoyed it! I watched again last night at home and loved it even more, there was so much I missed at the first watch.

Bermondsey Tales, is honestly one of the funniest films I've seen in a long time, with great vivid characters and lots of stand out performances. The dialogue is sharp with more plot twists than a rollercoaster, however what I originally missed was how intelligent the plot was.

On second viewing I noticed how smart everything fits together, how every action has a consequence leading to the ultimate downfall of the family. Even with the prologue and epilogue the film has the feel of a Shakespearean tragedy.

As a fan of British gangster films and classical English lit and theatre, I honestly put this film in my top ten of all times. It's hilarious, sharp, gritty and very smart film, plus I love John Hannah.