The Emu War

Wow really went into this thinking it would be hilarious. It wasn't. Not a single joke was good, some seriously cringeworthy stuff thrown in as well as some very inappropriate "jokes", that you know what if were actually funny I wouldn't have an issue. But man this was so bad I removed it from my server due to not wanting the embarrassment of someone knowing I've seen it. Wow just wow. Do better.

This movie seemed like it was 4 hours long with nothing at all interesting happening.

The fact I now need to fill up another 100 characters to actually place this review is also dumb. IMDB has dropped off and this will be my last review posted here. Maybe ill make a new website honestly.... and not hold anyone back.

I'd initially heard about The Emu War when seeing a post made by Aaron Gocs on Instagram, and the idea of seeing the fair dinkum Aussie comedian in a gonzo comedy about soldiers fighting bird puppets sounded like something with greens potential. For the sold out audience around me, it seemed that the film reached its potential as they all giggled away. But I sat at the back of the cinema waiting for the film to find a rhythm to its madness or a single joke that landed, and it never happened.

There is a point in the beginning exposition of The Emu War that might lead one to believe that we're in for an affectionate reimagining of The Dirty Dozen. Alas, the four (yes, only four) "elite" soldiers sent into enemy lines to tackle the emus head on are dropped into the film without giving the audience time to meet and get to know them. A number of haphazard flashback "gags" are jammed in there to give each of them a brief, unfunny backstory, but it rarely comes across as anything more than lazy. And that's because it is. The Emu War is, despite the best and sincere efforts of everyone involved, one of the most fundamentally lazily written films I've seen in a very long time.

The entirety of The Emu War is the same joke repeated again and again. It's not a particular joke; it had a different setup and punchline every time. But every single time, the gag is "let's tell an unintentionally unfunny gag which is so dumb and lowbrow that the audience will appreciate the irony". There is an etiquette to this kind of humour that The Emu War does not have a grasp on. The audience around me consistently erupted with laughter and had a great time, but In The Greasy Strangler, the juvenile sense of humour was offset by the film's artistically woven assault on the concept of good taste. And in the notorious terrible but ironically enjoyable Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, the general concept of a buddy pairing between Rambo and one of The Golden Girls against the backdrop of a police procedural is so ridiculously out of place that it hit an interesting note for me. The Emu War hit neither of these notes, largely because despite the sincere efforts of the filmmakers, it seems like an improv comedy group decided to frantically pull out the most juvenile gags they could and stuffed it onto the page. The last time I saw a movie try to wring out a feature length screenplay from this low a standard of writing, it was in a film called Disaster Movie. Being the disaster that it was I turned off that movie about 30 minutes in. I thought directors Aaron Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer had retired from filmmaking because nobody was interested in funding their juvenile, pottymouth and ridiculously lowbrow films anymore. But if they migrated to Australia, evidently Screen Australia would throw money around to see their kind of vision brought back to cinemas.

Of all the lowbrow misfired attempts at humour in the film, there was one in particular that took me off guard. It was a scene where the characters decide to have an impromptu orgy to... somehow escape from a prison, and the filmmakers have decided to actually blur out everyone's genital region. Surely there are a hundred other ways to choreograph and shoot a scene like this so that you don't have to resort to, you know, literally blurring a film to remove any slight facade of a fourth wall having ever existed. And yet just like every other point in the script, the creators took the lazy route.

The Emu War doesn't have a script. It doesn't have a story. And for the majority of the time, it doesn't have much in the way of production values either. It has and endless surplus of dialogue which the filmmakers seem to think are jokes, many of which are flashbacks seemingly designed to distract from the fact that the story is absent and bereft of movement. I could forgive this all if the movie was funny because it aspires to be a comedy more than anything, but minus two or three moments of Aaron Gocs' natural charismatic delivery, I couldn't find a single thing to write about. Maybe one day I'll see a film that knows how to better use his talents, but that day is not today.

To its credit, the visual effects in The Emu War are pretty decent. And the on-the-nose use of practical puppetry was one of the highlights for me, particularly in an era where people all too often over-rely on CGI. And the cast give it a very sincere effort, even if the material they're working with isn't pristine.

It's one thing to make a film, and it's another to sit in the audience and criticise it. But films typically have narrative, script and storytelling etiquette to go with them. Those are three things, among many, many others, which are completely absent from The Emu War. I haven't seen an Australian comedy so unfunny since The Very Excellent Mr Dundee, a movie I hold in so much contempt that I would call it the worst Australian film ever made. I don't have that same contempt for The Emu War because it's a silly little film made by a bunch of people who just wanted to have a good time, but I didn't have anything close to a good time watching it. And I just couldn't in good conscience summon the strength to recommend it to anybody. It was a harmless little Australian movie and I was surrounded by people who enjoyed it. Alas, when I exited the cinema and was asked what my thoughts were, all I could say was "Gallipoli was funnier".

To my utter shame I managed to watch for ten minutes. I can only hope all those involved in the making of this, Trump of a movie, can find gainful employment elsewhere. It's so bad I thought it was a sequel to Pearl Harbour (2001). It really needs a health warning!

Did you consult Mother Theresa by medium for military advice? Has your Emu advisor seen any animal... ever? In the world? Pictures of animals? The only thing that could be called half decent was the wobble-board player. He'll go far.... further the better, to distance himself from the trauma of having participated.

You took a really funny story and killed it, with less mercy than the real thing. Worst idea since Dame Edna Everidge failed to replace Sean Connery as James Bond.

Now, with products like this hitting screens IMDB needs to introduce negative ratings.

This appalling, cheap, nasty and uselessly abysmal attempt at a film needs to be called out for what it is.

Absolute trash, a massive embarrasment and major cringe for the Australian movie industry.

It really is that bad... A pathetic, misfiring attempt at cross referencing Australian historical figures into a "humerous" reimagining of the Emu Wars, (an actual thing in Australian history), however it is extrely likely that everyone involved in this disgraceful rubbish will be drawing their dole cheques from Centrelink for the forseeable future.

An embarassment to Australian movie making that hopefully will die and rot under a rock sooner rather than later.

Don't encourage them, avoid like the plague.

The Great Emu War was a real historical event! Emus are the second largest bird in the world, and they're only found in Australia! Not attractive with the haggy grey-brown and black plumage with blue-black skin around their neck, they have few natural predators.

The formal campaign known as the 'Emu War' commenced in November 1932. Two soldiers, Sergeant S. McMurray and Gunner J. O'Halloran, along with their commanding officer, Major G. P. W. Meredith of the Royal Australian Artillery, were dispatched to the operational area. They were armed with two Lewis light machine guns and 10,000 rounds of ammunition, with the aim of executing a mass extermination of the emu population. However, after a week of efforts, progress was minimal. An army observer remarked on the emus' behavior, noting that "each pack seems to have its own leader now: a big black-plumed bird which stands fully six feet high and keeps watch while his mates carry out their work of destruction and warns them of our approach."

During each confrontation, the emus sustained significantly fewer losses than anticipated. By November 8, the death toll ranged from 50 to several hundred birds. Major Meredith praised the emus for their remarkable resilience against gunfire, stating, "If we had a military division with the bullet-carrying capacity of these birds it would face any army in the world. They can face machine guns with the invulnerability of tanks." The campaign was fraught with mistakes and ultimately fell short of its objectives. Furthermore, as reported by The Sunday Herald in 1953, "the incongruity of the whole thing even had the effect, for once, of arousing public sympathy for the emu."

This film portrays these real events in a Mel Brooks manner that resonates with individuals enjoying a strong beer in a local pub after a long day of sheep shearing under the intense Australian sun.

While the production may have been absurd yet humorous, technically lacking, it garnered little concern from viewers who were entertained by a rather unappealing portrayal of a "hot" threesome, accompanied by CGI that resembled the work of a five-year-old during recess, a "pissed" PM, a guy on a sheep, and a depiction of authentic Australian parenting... where parents get involved with the kids for the family BBQ's only!

This was poor in quality, yet it was intentionally so, and that intentionality was nearly flawlessly executed! I genuinely appreciated this peculiar comedy from Downunder! As trashy and unhinged as you could hope for!