Nutcrackers

25 minutes in and I quit. Here I am writing this instead, which is much more fun than going on with this undecided and pointless movie.

What's the cinematic fascination with weird kids? I don't get it. I just don't get it. What now, Ben Stiller will "become capable of love" and start doing nonsensical stuff with those four by the end? Why?

Brought up by weird parents, or maybe not brought up at all, this gang of siblings (played by a gang of siblings) has ZERO charm in my eyes. I'd prefer watching The Sound of Music. Now, those kids there do make sense in some way. What's this, really? Royal Tennenbaums? Much as I don't like it, that one had some sharp style to it. This one, no. A group of annoying kids exist in their own dead end realm, only to annoy who is essentially a passable uncle. There are ways to depict annoying people in a cinamatic fashion without actually annoying the viewer, but no, this film is set to annoy us. To what avail?

I was hopeful about Linda Carellini's presence, thinkig some flare between her and Stiller could make up for all the pointless bore. Doesn't look like such a thing can cut it after this point. Given I cannot get my 25 minutes back, we'll call it even by me trashing the movie a bit on here.

Is Ben Stiller trying to "go beyond comedy" or something? If so, this is not the way. This kind of dull script is not hospitable to his qualities as an actor. The premise did not look unfruitful, but the execution definitely is. This is the first time I'm deciding to pause on a Stiller movie. C'mon, man, even if you're gonna quit comedy, do it for the sake of something worth the trouble.

No one needs to see the resolution to some overhyped drama after two hours of being subjected to pointless actions of weird kids. Good Will Hunting exists already as a well-executed example to such emotional agitation. If I were that uncle, I'd be out before the first night and never look back. Let the government take care of troubled orphans.

With the name "Nutcrackers," I was expecting this comedy to be more like the Problem Child series with a Christmas twist. Ben Stiller's character mimics the acting he did in the "Meet the Parents" series where he plays an average Joe who finds himself in some comedic situations while caring for four young boys. I gave extra stars for the writers creating realistic scenes in which any parent of unsupervised rambunctious boys could find themselves in. The story line loses stars because of the pivot the story took when the ballet performance idea was introduced. Too much was jammed into such a short amount of time. I don't believe this movie will become a Christmas classic nor do I feel I will be watching it again. However, it does have a nice heartwarming ending.

Nutcrackers (2024) aims to deliver holiday magic but falls far short of expectations, resulting in an experience that feels almost meaningless. The plot meanders without a clear purpose, and the script suffers from poor writing, filled with clichés and lifeless dialogue. This, paired with its overly slow pacing, makes it difficult to stay engaged.

The visuals are uninspired, with bland set designs and lackluster cinematography that fail to capture the festive spirit. The characters are shallow and underdeveloped, offering little for viewers to connect with emotionally. Even moments that aim for humor or charm feel forced and ineffective.

While Nutcrackers might appeal to someone who simply wants to pass the time with a holiday-themed movie, it ultimately fails to provide any memorable or enjoyable moments. It's a disappointing entry in the holiday movie lineup, lacking the warmth and joy that make the genre special.

David Gordon Green shifts gears and makes a holiday drama with a premise that's familiar all the way. You know how everything's gonna go down, so the least you'd expect is some Ben Stiller-modeled laughs. There's not much here in the way of humour, except for one very random John Rambo bedtime story. The screenplay offers absolutely no surprises, although this isn't the kind of film that's insufferable to sit through, with mushy melodrama and overblown Christmas aesthetics. For those who were expecting a Christmas classic, well.. this AIN'T it. I'll pick Bad Santa and Violent Night over this any December. And if I need well-written drama, I'd go for The Holdovers.

I'd watch anything with Ben Stiller in it, at least for a little while, and the little while here was pretty short. To tell the truth, I thought that this was a sure shot for our aging beloved Ben: an aloof businessman learning to love and become a father, as his sister died leaving him four preteen children.

And the kid actors are spot-on on how children behave after such a loss, becoming belligerent, full of angst, and looking for relief by being wild and unruly.

So it has all ingredients to become a tearjerker Christmas drama, but it wants to be an 'uncomfortable' comedy like Meet the Parents, or at least want to be sold as such. And that doesn't fly. Too much mourning and death for such a light-headed comedy it wanted to be. It doesn't fit.

It is set in farm, so it is also a fish out of.water situation for businessman Ben, from where half the 'jokes' come from; all the lazy tropes you already saw a thousand times: Does businessman Ben step on poop as soon as he leaves the car? Yes. Does Ben wake up with animals in his bed? Yes. Is Ben provoked by the kids to kill a chicken for supper? Yes.

And by then I turned off the movie, so take this review with a grain of salt, but whatever happens later in the movie, is already tainted by the tired writing by the numbers and the financial choice to tone down real life drama to fit into a feelgood comedy:

'I guess it is true what mom said about you,' says the older angst sad kid out of the blue in their first interaction.

'What is that?' Clueless Ben asks.

'That you can't love...'

'That is... stupid'

Indeed. Stupid writing. And also so on the nose that bleeds.

It is 2024, when we have access to all sorts of libraries of entertainment, including classics that done these same themes over and over, and you may ask yourself why you are wasting your Christmas time with this movie instead of those. Perhaps because this movie can make you happy that you don't have to deal with four sad hyperactive kids who lost their parents that you would never be able to replace.

Good photography, though.