- Commander Root: Our world has never been in more danger. Human greed is what drove us underground all those years ago, to escape from your rapacious appetite. I warn you, boy, you are not prepared for the truth behind what you seek. Now you will believe, Artemis Fowl.
- Artemis Fowl Sr: May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face. May the rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may a friend be always near.
- Mulch Diggums: [regarding Commander Root] Has anyone ever told you you're like David Bowie, if David Bowie were a fairy? So essentially, you're David Bowie. Do you think the humans will ever find out he was one of us?
- Mulch Diggums: [to Root] Listen to the two of us, grunting at each other like a pair of hippos with a throat infection.
- MI6 Interrogator: We want to know everything about the man you work for.
- Mulch Diggums: The man?
- [chuckles, shakes his hand]
- Mulch Diggums: Oh, oh no. This isn't about the father. This is about the son.
- Mulch Diggums: [holding up an object] A tracking device. Designed by the kid. Clap your hands if you believe in fairies.
- [the glass ceiling above him shatters and a ladder appears]
- Mulch Diggums: That's my ride!
- MI6 Interrogator: Lockdown. Get back here, you filthy little dwarf!
- Mulch Diggums: Dwarfus Giganticus!
- [last lines]
- Artemis Fowl: Are you ready to get back to work?
- Mulch Diggums: I thought you'd never ask!
- Artemis Fowl: We have some unfinished business.
- Mulch Diggums: I love my job!
- [chuckles, salutes Holly Short, who is flying outside]
- Artemis Fowl Sr.: Okay. Let's go.
- [flies helicopter into the sunset]
- [first lines]
- News Reporter: [offscreen, doing a news report] Authorities worldwide expressed shock at these allegations.
- Reporter 2: The most daring thefts of modern times.
- Mulch Diggums: A criminal? A criminal, that's what you think I am? I am so much more than a criminal. Well, um, technically, most of what I do is criminal activity, but I'm also an artist.
- Commander Root: You're picking my pocket.
- Opal Koboi: Your family has taken something of great value from us.
- Artemis Fowl Sr.: Artemis!
- Opal Koboi: Return it to me or I will destroy everything you love.